Q: Why are we afraid to set boundaries that might offend someone?

You might mistakenly confuse boundaries with aggression or with using a “sword” stance. It might feel “mean” to you to do something that you know will contribute to another person’s pain, or you may feel responsible for other people’s emotions.

It’s helpful to think of these 3 relationship stances when setting boundaries:

Doormat -

This passive stance is characterized by a lack of awareness of your own feelings, highly valuing pleasing others, devaluing own wants and needs, and feeling “run over” by others. You value other’s emotional needs above self.

Sword -

In this reactive stance, you’re emotionally “on guard”, lashing out at slightest hint of emotional threat, on “high alert”. You might let emotions build up and then explode with cutting words, snide remarks, or become cold and aloof and unavailable. You value your own self-protection over other’s needs.

Lantern –

In this enlightened stance, your “emotional” feet are planted firmly on the ground. There is a feeling of calmness as you seek a broader perspective. When you do get upset you don’t ignore it or react to it but seek understanding. You value your own and other’s emotions and desires and take responsibility for your part.

Q: Why are we afraid to tell people what we need or what we want?

We don’t want to jeopardize our relationships. We are afraid of isolation or rejection, or we are afraid to hurt those we love because that causes us pain too.

Q: Do we worry too much about other people’s feelings?

We do worry about other’s feelings to much when it comes to boundaries. I worked with a couple recently whose family always stays with them during the holidays. Just having had a new baby, this couple was not feeling up to having house-guests, yet they were hesitant to take a stand. We talked about the importance of concentric circles of relationships. In the core is self-care, then the next ring is the marriage relationship, then parenting, then extended family—in that order and challenged them to set boundaries, even if feelings are hurt.

Q: Are women more afraid to offend other than men are?

Women in particular are hard wired and socialized to highly value relationships and emotional bonds. I had a client whose friend constantly badmouthed her own ex-husband. While she wanted to supportive she was sick of hearing complaining. I encouraged her to honor herself and her own needs first, hold up a “lantern” to the situation and state what she saw was going on. For example, “I can tell this divorce has taken its toll on you and you’re really angry with Tim. Of course you are. However, I’m getting worn down by the topic and wondering if it would be more helpful for you to talk to a therapist because I’m not sure what to say anymore.”

Q: What if others don’t respect our boundaries?

There’s nothing more frustrating than setting clear boundaries and not being heard valued, or taken seriously. I worked with a woman whose adult son lived at home and refused to get a job. She needed him to take responsibility for his life but she felt like he was ignoring her and wasn’t taking action. We worked to help her set a clear, firm timeline of when he needed to start paying rent or find another place to live. Instead of trying to make him get a job, I helped her shift to setting firm boundaries in areas that she hat she could control (like who lived in her house).

Q: Is it harder to set boundaries with certain people?

Some people don’t like being told “no” and may resort to a “sword” stance if you do. If there’s underlying tension, unresolved issues, or insecurities in the relationship it may be harder to set boundaries.

A common dynamic I see in my practice is tense in-law relationships. There was one situation where a client’s mother-in-law kept trying to parent her kids when she was there, what food he could or couldn’t eat. I suggested that she take her mother-in-law aside and using a lantern stance, acknowledge her mother-in-laws good intentions and ask her not to step into a parenting role without being invited.

Q: Why do we protect other people at our own expense?

We protect others at our own expense because we think it’s the “right”, nice, loving thing to do. You may have been taught not to express yourself or it may be hard for you to know how you feel and what you want.

This is a common dynamic especially during the holidays. Holiday traditions with extended family often trump the individual and family needs. I’ve worked with many families who want to deviate from family traditions but know that others will be “hurt” by their decision.

Why are some topics difficult to talk about, even among our closest friends? Women tend to feel responsible for their friends’ feelings & don’t want to jeopardize the friendship. In a recent interview by WomansDay.com I gave some advice to women from around the country on how or if to approach sensitive topics with your best friend. So, it got me thinking about what topics are difficult for women in Utah women to talk about. Here are some real situations from local women (names have been changed) who need help to bring up a topic with their best friend.

1) “Your kid’s behavior isn’t normal”

Jenna writes “I have a dear friend whose son showed some signs of Asperger’s syndrome. I know because I have a child with mild autism. Should I bring up my concern to her or let her figure it out on her own?”

TIP – Make tentative observations

When approaching the subject with your friend use words like, “I’ve noticed…”, “I’m curious about…”, “I wonder…”

2) “Your husband is a jerk”

Tiffany: “I love my best friend, but I can’t stand her husband! He is an egotistical jerk who expects my friend to cater to him. He often puts her down in front of me and others in a joking way, but I can tell that it still hurts her. She doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. I want to tell her how I feel but I don’t want to hurt our friendship.”

TIP – Stay on your side of the court

Stay on your side of the court and describe what it’s like to be you watching your friend interact with her husband. Focus on how you feel when he says those things to your best friend and what happens in your body.

3) “I’m hurt that you never call me”

Shannon: “I had a close friend who never called me. Whenever we were together, we had a delightful time. I could feel that she genuinely liked me. I was hurt and frustrated, though, that I always had to be the one to make the call, to rearrange my schedule, etc., to make it possible for us to get together. I was never able to bring it up to her. I didn’t want to make her feel guilty, and I was a little bit afraid I’d hear that she didn’t actually want to spend time with me. What could I have done differently?”

TIP – Ask a question

“It seems like I initiate getting together more. What’s your take on it?”

People have different friendship styles. In my own life I’ve seen that people “lean into” the friendship, some “lay back” into the friendship, and others shift between the two styles.

4) “You don’t take my advice”

Courtney: “I met my best friend in college years ago and we are as close as can be. She is constantly asking for my advice on every situation. She helped me get past a painful break up, but when it came to her dysfunctional relationship she didn’t listen to me when I told it’s obvious that they should break up. I don’t know why I bother giving her advice, it is so frustrating to try and be a supportive friend and listening ear when she constantly does dumb stuff like this!”

TIP – Toss it back

When your friend asks you for advice turn the question back to her saying something like, “Hmmm. I don’t know. What do you think you should do?”

5) “You avoid the hard topics”

Jill: “I always had a hard time talking about the struggles I had with my husband at the time. I felt like my friend always looked at me like “well why did you marry him in the first place? Don’t we all have a few hard times in a marriage? ”

TIP – Go where it feels safe

If you’re having struggles and needing support, the last thing you need is judgment or lack of empathy. Not all friends are equally equipped to handle your deeper pain. Let your friend know specifically what you’re looking for from her and if she can’t step up, talk to another friend, family member, clergy, or a therapist.

Redefining a Successful Date

A successful first date is one where you simply enjoy the other person’s company. It does not require that you come to a conclusion about whether he or she is “the one.” You may or may not get a second date. If you don’t, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a success. If you can look at the experience as one where you get to meet someone new, maybe learn a few new things, and do something fun, you’ll find yourself more at ease. You’ll put less pressure on yourself and on the situation.

Be Cautious

If you don’t know much about the person before the first date—say you’ve only met online for example—it’s best to meet at an agreed location so each person has his or her own transportation in the event that you need a “getaway.” If your date is not what you expect, and especially if you feel uneasy about your safety, it is okay to end the date sooner than planned. The majority of dating situations will be safe and fun, but it’s always best to err on the side of caution, especially in the beginning.

Be Yourself

Too often people in the dating world feel pressure to be different—to be thinner, richer, smarter, funnier, etc.—in order to appear more attractive. It’s easy to get down on yourself, especially if you’re coming off a string of break-ups. Human nature causes us to pick ourselves apart looking for the reason someone decided they didn’t “want” us. And in turn, we try to change or cover up what we “think” is “wrong” with us. But the best advice I can give you is to be yourself. Having said that, you should be the very best version of yourself. Maybe there are a few characteristics you could develop in order to become a better person. Identify those and improve. But such improvement should be motivated by your desire to be better for you, not to try and be what you think someone else wants. By starting a potential relationship off with your authentic self, then you’ll know the other person is attracted to you and not a façade, if the relationship continues to develop.

Be Interested

If you’re worried about what to talk about or if you tend to talk a lot when you feel nervous, focus on asking your date questions. You can even plan a few in your mind beforehand if you’re worried about coming up with something on the fly. Ask about their likes and dislikes (food, music, restaurants, sports, books, movies, etc.), interests or hobbies, family, education, friends. etc. Keep it light and casual. Once you’re on a roll, you’ll find the conversation flow more easily. Plus you’ll be learning valuable information about this potential partner so you can decide if this person is someone you’d like to go out with again. If you approach the date with a genuine interest in getting to know the other person better, then regardless of what happens, you will have a positive experience.

Be Interesting

Conversation is a two-way street. Be ready to share things about yourself on the first date that are novel, funny, or interesting, such as tidbits about your family life, stories about your last vacation, your thoughts on a particular current event, or comments on the activity or experience you’re having together. Doing so will give your date a feel for your style and personality. And don’t forget to lead with your strengths. If people are drawn to you because of your sense of humor, or your sense of style, or your ability to really listen, or perhaps your love of triathlons, or your knowledge of a particular subject, make sure your date gets to experience those parts of you that make you unique.

Be open, but not an open book

People are drawn to others who are open, accessible, and willing to have new experiences so be willing to try new things, new activities, and new foods. Avoid talking about past bad relationships, exes, and stints in rehab or any other personal stuff. While there is a time and place for skeletons to come out of the closet, it’s definitely NOT on the first date. Instead, share stories and experiences from your life that shaped you positively. Be willing to offer (kindly) your opinions about topics he or she brings up. Basically, you want to present yourself in an honest, positive light. Show the other person that you’re interesting and worth getting to know beyond the first night.

Keep Boundaries

While the goal is to get to know someone better and in turn allow them the opportunity to get to know you better, you should still leave some things about yourself a mystery, both emotionally and physically. Even if there is intense chemistry, keep your date guessing and curious to get to know you better. By leaving them with a sense of anticipation, the likelihood of a second date is far greater, as they now have a reason to “come back for more.”

Hi. At last I have found one good place to open up myself. I’m going through the very common quarter life crisis… And I’m really confused.

A little of background about me. I’m from India and 26 old. As typical orthodox family in India my parents started seeing for marriage proposals. During the same time I started liking a friend in my office. It was around after 3 months I felt within very strong feeling towards him. I proposed to him but he was not ready for commitment. I decided to wait for him and be friends with him. But after that he happened to meet a gal and she fell in love with him and proposed him too. Things went worse in my life – seeing her being and mad about him. After 2 and half yrs. he decided to go ahead with other gal and coincidentally my parent were able to find a good marriage proposal at the same time. He got married to other gal and i went ahead with my parents. After this, the marriage proposal also didn’t go well, as I found the guy to be very rude and never understanding me. I decided to quit it and conveyed to my parents, and after a lot of discussions, my parents dropped it.

During all these tough time in life I had a very good friend who supported me and understood me and cared for me a lot who proposed me for marriage as well but I never had any feelings for him more than as a friend. I’m really confused what I should do. I always wanted my life partner to be as a good friend and lover and I’m not sure whether my feelings would change towards him. Any guidance?? Please help me. I’m really worried to go ahead with my parents marriage proposal again. I don’t like anyone in my life now.

A: What a difficult situation you’re in. While I am unfamiliar with the cultural norms of arranged marriages in India, I do know that it’s painful to have a man you love choose to marry someone else. If I’m understanding your question correctly, you’re wondering if you should marry your “good friend” with the hope that romantic feelings develop, or if you should go ahead with the arranged marriage with to a man who doesn’t treat you well. A man who treats you poorly during courtship is likely to continue to mistreat you after marriage. If your parents agreed to “drop” the arranged marriage after you shared your concerns with them, then I suggest you let go of that relationship for good and seek out other options for marriage.

There is a third option I’d like to suggest and that is to not move forward with either option. Please take some time and figure out what you value most in your life and what you want in your relationships. The decision to marry is one of the biggest and far-reaching decisions you’ll ever make. You may want to consider continuing to date your “very good friend” nonexclusively and see if any deeper feelings develop, while you continue to meet other people. While romantic feelings can develop over time, there’s no guarantee that they will. Since it seems that your parents responded to your concerns before, I encourage you to consult them again and ask for their help in finding other men to court.

Take good care of yourself!

Julie Hanks, LCSW

Originally posted in my PsychCentral.com column

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Click here to listen to “comparing yourself part 2″

Read my blog post “Confessions of a multitasking mama (part 2)”

Self & relationship expert Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW is wife of 22 years and mother of 4, a performing songwriter, a licensed psychotherapist, a popular media contributor, and director of Wasatch Family Therapy. Watch Julie on KSL TV’s Studio 5, listen on B98.7 radio, and read her national advice columns on Psych Central, and Latter-day Woman Magazine. Follow Julie on Facebook & Twitter.

I chatted with Daphna Zohar from BYU’s Daily Universe about the importance of maintaining a sense of self while developing love relationships.

Read the entire article here…

Love and let live

Studio 5 Contributor and therapist, Julie Hanks, explains why we hang on to stuff and how to let it go.

In recent years shows about home organization have cropped up on just about every network. From the Style Network’s Clean House, A&E’s Hoarders, to HGTV’s Mission: Organization, we are obsessed with people and their “stuff”; with watching self-proclaimed “pack rats” learning to de-clutter and transform their homes and their lives.

Just like excessive clutter and collectibles can get out of control, an excessive focus on cleanliness and order can become problematic. I call this end of the spectrum the “neat freaks”. In April Women’s Health Magazine I was interviewed for an article called “Worried Sick” about a woman’s story of becoming obsessed with cleaning and detoxifying her home. Read the article online.

Why We Hold On To Stuff

Perfectionism

Believe it or not, just like neat freaks, pack rats are often perfectionist, too. But, instead of wanting a perfectly organized bookshelf, a toxin free home, or uniformed stripes on the vacuumed carpet, “pack rats” are paralyzed by not being able “to do it all” says Judith Kohlberg, author of Conquering Chronic Disorganization (source). Messy folks tend to feel overwhelmed by deciding what to keep and what to let go of, so they put the decision on the shelf, literally.

Solution: Decide On the Spot

Remember, there is no “wrong” choice. Too often small decisions feel like moral issues when they are merely preferences or benign choices. Dr. Gerald Nestadt Director of Johns Hopkins Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Clinic suggests that when you pick something up is the time to decide its fate. Either put it in its place or throw it away (source). This is a means of preventing unnecessary clutter from ever entering the house.

My kids bring stacks of papers home each week and I frequently move the same piles of papers to several different locations around the house for months. But since working on this segment, I’ve actually tried to decide the fate of each paper the moment I touch it and it works! My kitchen counter isn’t cluttered with various piles of school papers. The things I decide to keep are stacked in a cute basket on the counter.

Solution: Face Your Fears

Ask yourself what’s the worst thing that can happen if I throw this paper away or if you donate this piece of furniture? Is your fear that you might regret it? Is it that someone may be upset with you? That may have to pay to replace it? My favorite question to ask myself is “Can I buy it back on Ebay if I change my mind? ”

Several years ago I worked with an overwhelmed client whose home was littered with piles of books, papers, clothes, and she felt unable to make decisions about what to keep and what to get rid of. Her daughters didn’t want to have friends over because they were embarrassed of the clutter and chaos. My client’s family of origin didn’t have enough money to provide for my client’s needs or wants when she was a child. Through therapy she discovered that she was holding onto things because she was afraid of not having enough, like she felt as a child. Being surrounded by “stuff” gave her a sense of security that she and her family would always have more than enough. Through facing her fear of not having enough, and through grieving her early losses and unmet needs, my client was able to find the motivation to let go of much of the possessions she was clinging to.

Sentimentality

You may hold on to things as reminder of fond memories of the past, of close relationships, or of people who have passed on. Consider that the meaning isn’t in the object itself, but in the meaning you ascribe to that particular treasure. You have the power to change the meaning you give to an object.

Solution: Keep Just One

Holding onto boxes of every piece of art that your child draws doesn’t freeze time. Saving boxes of clothing from your great grandma’s closet that you’ll never wear won’t bring her back to life. So, hold on to one of the dresses or your child’s favorite drawing and let the rest go.

I recently posed the question on Facebook “What things do you collect and find it hard to let go of?”. The most common answer was “things that my children have made”. Art projects, papers and cards made by your children are precious gifts, but you don’t have to keep ALL of them. Try applying this rule and keep one per year.

Solution: Take a Photo

If there’s an item with particular meaning or special memory associated with it take a photo of it before you toss it, sell it, give it away, or donate it. Just because an item is associated with a special memory doesn’t mean that you have to keep the actual item.

This idea recently came up in a conversation with my mom, who collects vintage kitchen items. I asked her what it was about vintage kitchen items that were so sentimental. She described memories of her mother in the kitchen. The kitchen was the heart of my mother’s childhood home, and subsequently the kitchen was also the heart of my childhood home as my mom raised 9 siblings who are all grown. I suggested to my mom that she take photos of her favorite items and make a collage on her kitchen wall instead of cluttering up her home by keeping all of the actual items in her living space.

Frugality

“I might need it someday” or “I paid for this” aren’t necessarily good reasons to hold on to clutter things but are common reasons for doing so. While being frugal is an important trait for financial responsibility, it can become too much of a focus and lead to holding on to too much stuff. It’s crucial to balance financial concerns with the emotional and relational costs of having a disorganized or in extreme cases, a hazardous environment.

Solution: Toss It After 2 Years

You know those partially finished crafts that you bought, or those piles of fabric collecting dust, or that closet full of old clothes that you’re holding on to just in case you get to that size again, or those shelves of books you haven’t touched in over a decade? If you haven’t touched something for two years then maybe it’s time to let them go.

According to a recent survey on SmartShopper, the average woman owns about 17 pair of shoes (source). I own 17 multiplied by 7! I realized that my shoes represent being prepared for any event, and they represent that I have options in my life. I also realized that some are also attached to memories. So, I am challenging myself to give away the shoes I haven’t worn for 2 years.

Solution: Put People Before Things

If there’s no place for company to sit down because your couch is covered with collectibles, or your family is standing while eating dinner because the dinner table is covered with boxes of your treasures your are paying a high relational cost. If your stuff is taking priority over your relationships or starting to impact your sleep, work, and other parts of your life its time to take action and ask for professional help. If your piles of stuff put your family’s health at risk or create physical danger it’s time to seek professional help to understand the emotional and mental roots of you’re your relationship with your stuff.

In an A&E’s Hoarders episode a grown woman Darcy shares her pain about her mother choosing to live with “nameless faceless trash” first, and has distanced from her Mom. This extremely sad case illustrates how out of control things can become when you cling to things over people. Watch A&E’s Hoarders Episode 26.

Should you avoid talking about your own children to someone struggling with infertility? Is it better to avoid the issue so they don’t get upset, or to say something, even if it’s clumsy?

Here’s the link to an article on Slate.com that spark our discussion Infertility is wrecking our friendship.

(*Go to Tues. March 22, 1st hour, 37:00 to listen to my interview)

Listen to my Nightside Project interview on on iTunes

Have your struggled with infertility? What advice would you give to others in how to be sensitive to your struggle but not tiptoe around the issue or avoid talking with you? Post comments below (you’re email will not be visible).

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Self & relationship expert Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW is wife of 22 years and mother of 4, a licensed therapist, a popular media contributor, and director of Wasatch Family Therapy. Listen to Julie’s podcast You and Yours , on B98.7 radio as the Bee’s Family Counselor, and read her national advice columns on Psych Central and Latter-day Woman Magazine

Is date night too much to ask?

Q: My husband and I spend most weekend evenings attending our children’s sporting events and never go out on dates. He says it’s because he wants to make sure we’re there to support our kids during this short time window of time before they grow up, but I’m feeling increasingly resentful, hurt, and neglected by him. What should I do?
(read my answer on pg. 17…)

I just don’t think about sex!

Q: After 10 years of marriage my husband complains that I don’t desire him physically. He feels hurt that I don’t initiate lovemaking and that I’m rarely “in the mood”. I love my husband, find him attractive, but sex rarely crosses my mind. Should I have sex even when I’m not in the mood?  (read my answer on pg 17…)

Can you relate? What advice would you give?

Here are the most read relationship and emotional health articles of 2010!

Have you read them? Please do and as always, I’d love your comments!

Confessions of a Multitasking Mama

Music and Mood: Musing from a Songwriter and Therapist

Making Wedding Anniversaries Meaningful

Boost Your Emotional Energy

Ask Julie: Sharing Difficult Feelings

Eat, Pray, Love…at Home

Simplify Your Day: The Art of Leaving Things Undone

Handling a Narcissistic Mother

You Again?: Moving Beyond High School Insecurities

All He Wants For Christmas Is You

Which one’s your favorite?

Read it here

Studio 5 contributor and therapist Julie Hanks, LCSW, shares important parenting skills you might be overlooking.

Good Parenting is not just about you treat your child. I recently stumbled across a recent blog on PsychologyToday.com highlighting surprising research — two out of the three most effective parenting skills don’t directly involve interacting with your kids. In the recent issue of Scientific American Mind (Nov./Dec. 2010)“What Makes A Good Parent?” psychologist and researcher by Robert Epstein, PhD found that while showing love and affection to your child is the most important parenting skills, how you treat yourself and how your interact with your spouse or co-parent rank second and third. While real parents are quite good at love and affection, they report poorer scores on areas stress management and adult relationship skills.

These results aren’t surprising to me and coincide with my professional journey. Interestingly, all of my early training was in play therapy working directly with children, but within a few years I realized that the best thing I could do for children was to help support their mother’s emotional well-being and to support their parent’s in developing healthy relationships. In my practice I frequently see well-meaning parents who don’t take good care of themselves and their adult relationships and their children suffer. A common dynamic I often see in my practice working with divorced families is parents speaking poorly of their child’s other parent or putting the child in the middle of conflict between co-parents, with devastating impact on their child

Improve your parenting by developing skill these 2 areas:

Stress Management

Have realistic expectations for yourself
Take a “time out” when you’re overwhelmed
Practice optimism

Healthy Adult Relationship

Talk positively about other parent
Model affection & communication
Keep child out of middle

The Parents’ 10 Competencies

1-Love and affection – respect & support, physical affection, quality time together

2-Stress management – reduce stress, practice relaxation, positive outlook

3-Relationships skills – model good relationship with spouse/significant other, co-parent

4-Autonomy & Independence – treat child with respect and encourage self-sufficiency

5-Education & learning – promote learning and provide opportunities

6-Life skills – provide financially, plan for future

7-Behavior management – use positive reinforcement and punish as last resort

8-Health – model healthy lifestyle

9-Religion – support child’s spiritual and religious development

10-Safety – protect child & have awareness of child’s activities

Free Parenting Test

Test your competency in the “Parents 10″ skill areas. Take this free online test :
myparentingskills.com

Pat yourself on the back for your strengths and then make a plan to improve in the areas with lower scores. According to Dr. Epstien, good parenting skills can be learned and parenting classes can be an effective way to improve your parenting and help raise a happier, healthier child.

Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW, is a licensed therapist and owner & director of Wasatch Family Therapy. Visit www.wasatchfamilytherapy.com for individual, couple, family, & group counseling and support services designed to strengthen you and your family. We treat mental health and relationship problems in children, adolescents, and adults. For additional self-improvement & relationship resources connect with me at www.juliehanks.com.

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How do YOU make your anniversary meaningful?

Read WomansDay.com article “How to handle relationship questions gracefully” HERE

Self and Relationship Expert Julie Hanks, LCSW, Owner and Director of Wasatch Family Therapy, shares tips for making wedding anniversaries meaningful.

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More couples “tie the knot” during the summer months which means more couples are also celebrating wedding anniversaries at this time of year. Taking the time, effort, and forethought to create meaningful anniversary traditions helps to nurture your marriage and to keep the romance alive. Reflecting on the history of your early relationship, and recommitting to the promises you made on your wedding day increases the sense of emotional security and deepens the bonds of love. Here are a few tips to inspire you to make your wedding anniversary more meaningful.

REVIEW YOUR EXPECTATIONS

Discuss your expectations with your spouse. Decide who’s planning the celebration, what the budget is, and other important details. Don’t expect your husband or wife to read your mind, or to know what you’d like to celebrate your special day. It’s your responsibility to talk about you wishes to your spouse if there’s any chance they’ll come true.

Looking at this photo of our wedding over 21 years ago brings back amazing memories and wonderful emotions.

REQUEST A HOLIDAY

You take off time for holidays like Christmas and July 4th so why not take a day off for the most personal holiday, your anniversary? Get a baby sitter, request the day off of work and spend the day with your sweetheart. Even if you’re just running errands, going to lunch, or taking a nap, spend the day together.

Daniel & Debra Breitenstein take time off from work to celebrate their first anniversary at the Anniversary Inn.

RENEW YOUR COMMITMENT

Whether it’s a formal renewing of vows in a ceremony surrounded by family, a verbal expression over a candlelit dinner, or a handwritten love letter expressing your on-going commitment to your spouse, do something that reminds your spouse that you are wholeheartedly committed to your marriage and that you treasure him in your life.

Kevin & Laura Brotherson, married 19 years, renew their commitment by taking a photo on each anniversaries and display them in their home as proof of their on-going commitment to each other. Kevin & Laura are founders of Strengthening Marriage, Inc., www.StrengtheningMarriage.com.

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