Your browser (Internet Explorer 7 or lower) is out of date. It has known security flaws and may not display all features of this and other websites. Learn how to update your browser.
WordPress is a fantastic platform for your private practice website. Originally a blogging platform, it’s commonly used for websites because it’s user friendly, functional, and easy to customize. I’m completely “in love” with it. For clarification, I’m talking about WordPress.org that is installed on your web hosting system, not WordPress.com – a web-based blogging platform.
Since I changed to WordPress about a year ago for my practice website, I’ve been able to create a more dynamic and interactive website with fresh content, social media interaction, and an integrated a blog. So here’s more about why I love WordPress:
Do you know who’s talking about you and your practice on the web? If not, you should. My favorite way to to track who’s talking is through Google alerts. Google alerts sends me an email whenever they come across “Julie Hanks” or “Wasatch Family Therapy” on the web. It’s a quick and easy to see what information your name is being associated with, where you’re being mentioned, who’s quoting you, and more.
If nothing pops up about you and your practice on the web via Google Alerts over several months, that’s helpful information too. If Google can’t find you, then it’s likely that you’re potential clients can’t find you either. To learn more about Google searches read my article Does Google Love Your Therapy Practice?.
Q: No matter what I’m doing, or which role I’m fulfilling, I feel like a fake.
This includes my low-stress job, friendships, even parenting. I feel that I don’t belong and it’s only a matter of time before others find out, which scares me. I believe that this has been going on for several years, but I only recently became aware of it. I know that I felt this way the entire time I was in college, but I thought that it was because I hated my major. I don’t feel like my child is really mine, even though I remember giving birth to her. I’m afraid that if I talk to anyone about this that they will take her away. I’m currently being treated for depression, but I feel like I’m going to explode trying to bottle everything up. What is going on?
A: Thanks for writing in for help. I imagine it’s incredibly painful, confusing, and frightening to wonder if you’ll be exposed as a fake.
There is a name for the experience you’re describing — “imposter syndrome†or “imposter phenomenon.†While imposter syndrome isn’t an official mental health diagnosis it has been studied and written about by many psychologists. It’s the inability to “digest†and internalize your own life and accomplishments. Several famous individuals, like Jodie Foster, have expressed similar experiences of feeling like they don’t belong, they don’t deserve the life they have, and that they will be exposed as a fraud. The imposter syndrome is also commonly experienced by many graduate students. It is a stressful way of feeling about your life and may be connected to or contributing to your depression.
You mentioned that you’re currently being treated for depression. I’m unclear as to whether that means you’re taking medication or you’re in therapy. If you’re not in therapy, please look into individual and group therapy, in particular. I think it would be very helpful to hear that other people experience similar feelings. You may enjoy reading this PsychCentral article Feeling like a fraud, and the book “How To Feel As Bright And Capable As Everyone Else Thinks You Are†by Dr. Valerie Young available at her website ImposterSyndrome.com. Thanks again for writing in and best to you on the road to accepting that this is your life, you’ve created it, and you deserve it.
Ask me about my private practice and I light up. I love it. I just spent the last day and a half furnishing and decorating an additional office location in a neighboring city. I’m excited to be able to expand the reach of my practice and help clients in other geographic locations. There is such a satisfaction in feeling fully self-expressed professionally and to make a difference in the lives of my clients and my colleagues. My passion for building a private practice is why I asked Dr. John Grohol, CEO of PsychCentral.com if I could start this blog. I can’t imagine being happier with a work situation and I want to help you develop the tools to feel the same way about your practice.
I asked several successful private practice therapists the question, “What do you love about being in private practice?” I wanted to share their answers with you to inspire those of you who are considering going into private practice to do it! If you’re unhappy with your practice, I hope you’ll draw from these successful private practice experiences to create a practice that you love. Read more
Are you a beginning blogger feeling overwhelmed by the thought of coming up with original content to write about on a regular basis? I have some good news for you! Much of what is posted online is not entirely original content. Braden Talbot posted this insightful comment on my post 5 Tips To Overcoming blogophobia.
Once you understand that 99% (if not 100%) of information [posted on blogs] isn’t really new, it’s not so scary.
The new part is your story and your spin and you’d be amazed at how many people are interested to hear it.
Well, I’m 15 and I’m really sad because my brother always gets everything he goes and sees my dad and gets £30 or more of him every time he gets money for stuff as well everyday and when I go and see my dad all i get is a £5. My brother also got a xbox connect of my dad. I asked my dad for a xbox 360 and he said he has no money but he always gets my brother stuff and when my brother comes home he brags about it and I’m getting fed up of it. My birthday comes and all he gets me is a little ornament I don’t want to seem ungrateful its just he treats my brother different to me he should treat us both the same but he don’t. I think its favouritism.
A: I can see why you are so confused and sad about not being treated fairly by your father. Dads are the most important male figure in an adolescent daughter’s life. Consider talking with your dad about your hurt. Start by expressing gratitude to your dad for what he has provided for you. Then, gently call his attention to perceived differences in the way he treats you and your brother. Be sure to use “I†statements as much as possible and avoid using accusations like “you always…†and “you never…â€. An example of this is “Dad, I feel sad when you give my brother more money than you give to me because I’m afraid it means I’m not as important to you.â€
Another issue here is the competitive relationship with your brother. I can’t help but wonder what’s behind his bragging. It sounds like neither of you live with your dad, right? Do either of you have a fear of losing touch with your dad or of not being important to him? Is your brother exaggerating the gifts from dad so he feels more secure about dad’s love for him? I have more questions than answers here so feel free to write back.
It sounds to me like the core issue behind the money and gifts is your hurt and fear about not being as valuable to your dad. The first place to start is sharing those feelings with your dad and asking for reassurance of his love.
Thank you so much for writing in and asking for help. Please let me know how the conversation goes.
Three days ago I found out that a year ago my husband sexually abused my daughter. I don’t know what to do I love my daughter very much and I love him I will protect her at all costs, I have put locks on her door locks on the bathroom and she is not left alone with him. I confronted him but he denies it stating he loves our baby very much and would never hurt her. I want to believe him but I could never not believe her. I want to know if our family unit is savable would therapy help what should I do. I don’t want to be a bad mother and I don’t want to lose my family.
A: I can’t even imagine how painful and confusing it is for you to hear that your husband sexually abused your daughter. In spite of your overwhelming feelings and confusion about who to believe, you are required by law to report the suspected abuse. Here is a link to the Florida Abuse Hotline so you can report it immediately and they can begin investigating. As your daughter’s mother, you must protect her first, over your husband and over your marriage. How you handle this situation, and whether or not you believe her, support her, and protect her will largely determine how well she recovers from the trauma throughout the rest of her life.
I strongly suggest that you immediately ask your husband to find a temporary place to live until the abuse investigation has been completed in order to protect your daughter, and that you get your daughter into treatment with a therapist specializing in sexual abuse as soon as possible. Click the Find Help link at the top of this page or ask for some recommended therapists from the department of children and family services when you call to report.
I have so many questions for you. How did you find out? How old is your daughter? Is your husband your daughter’s father or stepfather? Does your husband have any history of sexual offenses? But all of these questions are secondary to protecting your daughter and to reporting the alleged abuse. Reporting and protecting will likely require you to put your own fear of losing your marriage and family on hold temporarily so you can take the necessary steps to protect your daughter.
I don’t know whether your family is salvageable because at this point there are too many unknowns. If your husband did in fact abuse your daughter, he will need to participate in intensive treatment, face the legal consequences for his abusive behavior, and take responsibility for his abhorrent behavior. Even then, a large determining factor will be whether your daughter wants to have any kind of a relationship with him.
The most important and immediate factor here is protecting your daughter and doing what is in her best interest. So again, here is my recommendation for your course of action:
Report the alleged abuse to Child Protective Services
Ask your husband to live elsewhere while the facts get sorted out by the authorities
Get your daughter into treatment
I wish you well in this extremely difficult situation. Take good care.
Q: Hello, I am a 16 year old Sophomore in high school. For the past 5 years I have struggled with addiction to self injury, depression and ADHD.
My parents refuse too believe anything is wrong with me and every day scream at me and break things as well as insult me about how useless I am and how I am always ruining their lives! My friends all say that I’m amazing and such a good friend but I have a hard time believing them when my OWN parents seem to hate me…My grades have gotten a lot worse because my parents deny that I am ADHD even though my doctor has said I need therapy and medication.
I failed three of my classes and the fights and insults got worse, my parents took away nearly everything I had and I almost committed suicide twice, My doctor finally told my mother I NEED to get therapy so she did reluctant, and told me the entire way about what a failure I am.
I went to therapy for about 3 months and stopped, my therapist was ignorant and treated me like a little kid. She blew off how I was upset about my parents and my hair falling out due too PCOS and being diabetic. I hate my parents but I love them at the same time… they always yell at me and get angry and things I don’t do and forget… I have ADHD and it’s not my fault! but they just yell a me about how I use it as a crutch. Right now I am not allowed to go out with friends and am constantly threatened that if I don’t start getting straight A’s they will take away my desktop and my books… I’m scared because I just keep hating myself even more! I can’t sleep at night and I can’t concentrate in school, I keep having mental break downs and freaking out and am nearly ready to start cutting again because it makes me feel amazing, I’m scared but my parents don’t care! I’m tired of working my butt off just to get yelled at and I really don’t know what to do anymore…. My school even won’t do anything when I talked to my teachers, I am really lost.
A: Thanks for reaching out for help to figure out how to manage your feelings of loneliness and hopelessness and stop your self-destructive behavior.
It’s not uncommon for adolescents to love and hate their parents at the same time when they feel invalidated or misunderstood. It sounds like you and your parents aren’t sure how to help you. My guess is that they’re very scared and are trying to motivate you by grounding you from friends and threatening to take away privileges, which in turn makes you feel punished and hopeless.
Don’t let the fact that you didn’t connect with your therapist before discourage you from seeking therapy again. If you don’t want to go back to the therapist you’ve seen previously, ask your mom, your physician, or a school counselor to help you find another therapist who you feel more comfortable with. Self-injury, suicide attempts and failing grades are all signs that you need professional help as soon as possible. Please don’t wait. To find specific therapists in your area, please click the Find Help link at the top of this page.
In addition to individual therapy, I highly recommend family therapy. Your family can learn new ways of relating with each other and dealing with conflict, and healthier ways to manage emotions. The therapist can also help your parents learn options to support and motivate you other than putdowns and punishments, and can help you understand and express your deeper feelings and needs to your parents in a way that your parents are more likely to hear.
It sounds like you’re trying to tell your parents, through your symptoms, that you’re in a lot of emotional pain, and instead of hearing your pain they’re seeing your choices as “bad behavior” instead of as a desperate cry for help. A family therapist can help you and your parents understand what’s going on below the surface for you, and help you understand your parents’ fears and intentions. The fact that your mom was willing to take you to therapy before is a sign that she recognizes that therapy can be valuable, and that is a good sign. Please talk to her and get the help you need as soon as possible.
Q: I am “in love†with a celebrity male, 29 years older than me.
Since I was ten, before I knew his name, I was sexually obsessed with him. That obsession later turned into this “relationship†I made up. I have lost myself, believing that we have many things in common, and that he really loves me even though we never meet. I feel like I will never get over this. I am in a happy relationship now, for over a year, but these sexually desires for this celebrity keep coming back. I come up with these fantasies that his children will love me, his friends want us to be together. I have had a fantasy that he has been looking for me his whole life. I can’t stop.
A: It’s wonderful that you’re wanting to get to the bottom of your obsession by reaching out for help.
In order to figure out why this fantasy relationship has such a hold on you, I urge you to dig deeper and discover what this celebrity represents to you, emotionally and relationally. It sounds like in this fantasy love relationship you feel desired, special, treasured, accepted, and embraced by someone special — the very things that we all long for and look for in our love relationships. The problem isn’t in wanting those things, but in holding on to a fantasy that will never really satisfy your needs instead of finding ways to get your emotional needs met in real-life relationships. The intensity of your fantasy and the large age difference between you and and this celebrity makes me suspect that you have a “hole in your soul†regarding an important male relationship in your early life that needs some attention and healing.
Here are a few questions to help you start looking deeper and start to discover what this fantasy is really about and why it is so intense and long-lasting.
Did you feel loved and accepted by your father?
Did you have any losses, neglect or abuse involving males in your life?
When you are thinking about having this celebrities love what emotions, in addition to sexual attraction, come up inside you?
As you sort through your emotions your fantasies will still continue to surface. When they do I recommend framing them in a non-judgmental way that includes identifying what the desires are really about. For example, you might say to yourself, “Hello celebrity obsession. Thanks for letting me know that I still have some emotional healing to do when it comes to my male relationships. I’m working on that. Goodbye†After acknowledging the fantasy, don’t focus on it, but turn to your current relationship for connection and comfort.
If I had more information about your relationship history I could help you make more sense of your obsession. Since I don’t, please consider seeking a counselor to help you get to the emotional root of your obsession and begin to heal your unmet needs. Click on the Psych Central Find Help link to find a psychotherapist in your area to help you move on from this celebrity obsession and find more satisfaction and fulfillment in reality.
Q: Sometimes, when I am in front of a group of people, my face starts to twitch.
For example, today I did a presentation in front of my class and my face began to twitch. When I pursed my lips, it stopped.
I’m not sure if other people can see, though — no one looked at me strangely or anything when my face twitched. I think this may be due to a subconscious anxiety or something, because I don’t actually feel afraid. So, my question is, how do I get rid of this?
Should I try some relaxation or breathing exercises before presentations? Any suggestions are appreciated.
A: Facial twitching can be influenced by many factors including stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, caffeine, and other serious medical conditions.
Even though you weren’t afraid, your body may be simply responding to the stress of presenting in front of a group. Before your next presentation make sure you’re well prepared, have enough sleep, avoid caffeine and try deep breathing exercises. Meditation or yoga may also be beneficial. If the twitching continues, consult with your physician to rule out other medical conditions.
