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In podcast episode 002 “Lose Your Excuses! Exercise For Your Mental Health” on “The You And Yours Show” self & relationship expert Julie Hanks, LCSW gives you practical solutions to common exercise excuses. Julie shows you how to prioritize exercise so you can experience not only the physical benefits, but the mental and emotional benefits of better mood, less anxiety, stress management, and more!
“You Again?” Moving Beyond High School Insecurities
Studio 5 Contributor and Family Therapist, Julie Hanks tells you what to do when an old rivalry resurfaces.
Few people feel neutral about their High School experience. You either loved it or experienced it as pure torture. Or a little of both. In the hit movie “You Again”, an exaggerated comedy about coming face to face with the women who bullied or betrayed you in High School, audiences reflect on their own High School experiences. Whether you were popular or picked on, prom queen or band geek, the bully or the bullied, you’ve probably experienced some insecurities and heartaches of your own during adolescence.
First love, first betrayal, new freedom, shifting hormones, and changing body make adolescence a time of insecurity and uncertainty that can resurface throughout adult life. As you shifted from family focus to peer focus, attempting to establish your own identity, adolescence experiences and emotions were potent then, and now. If a colleague gets a promotion at work that you think you deserve, it may dredge up the disappointment of not winning the student body election. Finding out that a trusted adult friend has broken a confidence may remind you of an earlier betrayal of trust when your high school so-called “best friend” spread a rumor about your throughout the school.
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Here are some tips to soothe your inner adolescent and move beyond High School insecurities:
1) Adolescent experiences impact you but they don’t define you
Our early experiences help to shape who we are, but we get to choose who we will become. Many people use the mistreatment of earlier years as motivation to succeed as adults, or as fuel for their passion to help others.
Tina M. shared on Facebook says about her high school experience: I knew it was more in important to respected then to be “popular”, and in the end it always wins. We never know how we will impact the lives of others by just being accepting. I spent a lot of friday nights at home, but I knew my life was …different then those other kids at school and that one day they would get out of school and life would be a “slap in the face” so to speak. I had a lot of trials that caused me to have to “grow up” before the other kids and it made it all hard when other kids were really spoiled and had it easier. I tried to just be friendly regardless and now 11 years later they are all adults and i still enjoy a lot of their friendships and company. I was glad that I chose to just be kind.
2) It is never too late to apologize or to accept an apology
If you run into to a former classmate that you hurt, apologize. It always feels better to resolve something unresolved. Conversely, if someone who has betrayed you in the past apologizes for their immaturity, accept it so you can both move on. As an adult, I recognized that I needed to apologize to one of my sisters for being excessively mean during our adolescence. I even wrote a song for her. As adults, we are the best of friends because I apologized and owned my hurtful actions, and because she graciously accepted my apology.
3) People grow and change
The teens that may have hurt, or betrayed you in the past no longer exist. They are now adults with a wealth of life experiences. Even if you never run into them as adults, it may be helpful for you to imagine them as adults, with adult responsibilities, instead of that mean adolescent, in order for you to move past your pain.
4) Use your pain to empathize with others
If you were bullied, or taunted, you know the hurt and the self-doubt that comes with being mistreated. As an adult, you can use that pain to support and empathize with others who are going through difficult emotions. In my early adolescence I experienced firsthand the pain of being bullied. As I’ve matured, I’ve used that pain to empathize and become more sensitive to others in pain. Looking back, I can see that the bullying and taunting sprung from the insecurities and pain of the kids involved and had very little to do with who I was.
5) Teach children that they can make a difference
Bullying, teasing, name calling echo in victims’ minds long after the taunting has stopped. Likewise, the kind words or acts of encouragement and acceptance can provide hope to another person for years. Teach your children skills of emotional awareness in themselves and sensitivity to others.
Andrya Lewis shared this comment on Facebook: A couple years ago on face book I friended a guy who I was pretty sure wouldn’t remember me. He was a popular football hero type and the best friend of a guy I had a major crush on for all four years. I wasn’t part of that crowd and… had no reason to think he would know who I was. But as soon as he accepted my friend request he told me that he was a teacher and a football coach now and that I probably have legendary status among the students and athletes he works with. He holds me up to them as an example of how you should be. He tells them that I was an athlete and got good grades and was involved in lots of activities and was friends with everyone from every crowd. It was a crazy, amazing moment. I didn’t think he would know who I was! And although the first conversation we ever really had took place on face book 20 years after we graduated, THAT’s what he remembers about me! And not just remembers, but admired at the time. Wow. It was so cool.
October is National Bullying Prevention Month. For information go to www.pacer.org
Visit www.wasatchfamilytherapy.com to learn about my therapy clinic and individual, couple, family, & group counseling services designed to strengthen you and your family!
How do your High School experiences impact your adult life? What triggers your adolescent insecurities?
I’m thrilled to launch my new You and Yours” show on The Women’s Information Network, an international website designed to strengthen women and families worldwide!
“In episode 001 “Why Self-care Isn’t Selfish” you’ll get to know self & relationship expert Julie Hanks, LCSW personally and professionally as she shares the questions inspired this show: Is it possible to take good care of myself AND my family without being self-indulgent or selfish? Is it possible for a woman to be a dedicated and connected wife and mother AND have a fulfilling personal life?”
Lose the excuses! Exercise for your mental health
Exercise and fitness have been on my mind lately. As a faithful watcher of The Biggest Loser’s inspiring stories of overcoming personal hardship to reclaim health and fitness I’m looking forward to the show’s season premiere next Tues. Popular health guru Dr. Oz launched his “Just 10″ challenge earlier this week, encouraging viewers to reduce heart disease by 50% & diabetes by 60% & arthritis by 50% by losing 10 lbs. The health benefits of physical activity are well-known, but you may not be aware of the significant mental health benefits of moving your body.
Exercise Improves Your Mental Health by:
Improving Mood
Researchers at Duke University found that exercise is as effective as antidepressant medication for treating depression.
Decreasing Anxiety
University of Georgia study found exercise to be effective at reducing anxiety symptoms.
Improving Memory
Exercise may stimulate areas of the brain responsible for age-related memory loss.
Managing Stress
Exercise may help the body’s systems practice dealing with stress.
Improving Self-esteem
Physical exercise has been shown to improve physical self-concept.
In my therapy practice I’ve often “prescribed” exercise to clients as a means to improve their mood, decrease anxiety, and manage stress levels and I’ve heard all kinds of excuses as to why clients can’t/don’t/won’t exercise. I’ve also used all of these same excuses in my own life at one time or another. Few of us are able to spend several months in a fitness camp, like The Biggest Loser contestants, but all of us can lose our excuses and learn to make exercise a priority for our physical and mental health. Here are some solutions to common exercise excuses.
Solutions to Common Exercise Excuses:
“I don’t have time”
Solution: Build it into your Schedule
Make your personal physical self-care a priority by putting it on your calendar. I recently hired a personal trainer and her available times are in the middle of the day – a time I have never exercised because I don’t want to be sweaty the rest of the day. I have worked through that and show up at my scheduled times because it’s on my schedule.
“I don’t have motivation”
Solution: Buddy system
Exercise with a partner or friend. Find someone who is relying on you to join them in exercising and will hold you accountable. The social aspect of exercise also has benefits for emotional health.
“I don’t have anyone to watch my kids”
Solution: Exercise with family
When you take your child to soccer practice bring your walking shoes and walk around the field for an hour. Put your baby in the stroller and stroll around the block. Find an activity that you can enjoy with your children. Consider joining a recreation center that provides child care. Baby sit swap with a neighbor.
“I don’t have the money to buy a gym membership or workout gear”
Solution: Choose free activities
Walking and hiking are great free activities that only require shoes. Also, check with your local recreation center for low cost or free activity options in your community.
For additional self-improvement & relationship resources connect with me at www.juliehanks.com. Visit www.wasatchfamilytherapy.com to learn about my therapy clinic and individual, couple, family, & group counseling services designed to strengthen you and your family!
Connect with me…
Do you have exercise excuses? How do you make the time to exercise? Comment below (email will be kept private)
Thanks to all who “voted” to name my new podcast show launching in September. The final show title is…
The Self and Family Show
The ability to reach an international audience with my message of helping women stay strong and take good care of themselves while caring for their families is thrilling! This week I’ll be learning about all of the technical aspects of recording and hosting my own show, and the first couple of episodes should post sometime next month.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with The Women’s Information Network please check it out. It’s an amazing online resource with advice and help from experts in so many areas…from organizing your home to forensic science, from single parenting to the latest in the entertainment world.
What is The WIN?
The Women’s Information Network (The WIN) is quickly becoming the Premier Media and Social Network for Women ~ The Online Home for All Women, All Ages.
The WIN provides hundreds of free, quality audio/video shows on a wide variety of topics, organized into channels, presented by experts, and delivered in easily-accessible formats.
The WIN also provides hundreds of articles, and fun ways for participants to interact with women worldwide through our Conversation Boards and interactive Webinars.
The WIN will have a huge e-commerce solution, The WIN Store, and now has an informative, entertaining online television show, The WIN Show.
The WIN loves to present Conferences and Retreats where women learn, laugh, and strengthen each other in powerful ways. Our offline events will help us become a massive, vibrant community of women both online and offline.
The WIN is honored and delighted to help women all over the globe through our charities. Our mission is to “Strengthen Women and Families Worldwide.â€
The WIN invites you to come play with us! Click here to learn how you can be part of this wonderful community of women helping women “Get Solutions, Share Ideas, and Really Connectâ€. We look forward to meeting you!
These two shows to strengthen marriage and family, hosted by my friends, are definitely worth listening to:
Tell me what’s on your mind and I’ll turn it into a show topic. Anything relating to caring for yourself and improving your relationships is fair game. If you have specific questions you’d like me to address on the show let me know (I’ll do it anonymously).
Feel free to post your comments and ideas below (your email will not be made public) or contact me HERE.
Self and Relationship Expert Julie Hanks, LCSW, Owner and Director of Wasatch Family Therapy, shares tips for losing the guilt about hiring out some tasks at home or work.
Do you take on more responsibility and commitments than you can handle? Have you ever felt like you should do all of the household chores, or do you take responsibility to tie up all of the loose ends at work? Have you considered hiring out some of the tasks? Often, the thought of allowing other people to do what you believe is your responsibility can bring up feelings of guilt and inadequacy. My personal philosophy is: do what you love, figure out how to make money doing what you love, and then hire out everything else. Understand the tasks and roles in your life where you are irreplaceable and where are you replaceable, and hire out the replaceable tasks.
Tips to lose the guilt:
1) Think more like a man
A few years ago, when I was feeling overwhelmed at home and at work. My therapy practice was growing and I felt stretched too thin. The thought occurred to me, “What would a man do in this situation?” I decided instead of finding a part-time babysitter I would change the job description to part-time “home assistant” who would do laundry, cook, dishes, errands, or whatever else needed to be done to keep the household going on the days I worked. Thinking like a man also led me to seek out an office manager instead of trying to run the office myself.
2) Consider bartering
If you’re thinking, “I’d love to hire it out but I don’t have the money” then consider bartering with a family member, neighbor of friend. If you’re a gourmet chef but don’t like to work in the yard, find someone who doesn’t enjoy cooking but has a green thumb. You can offer to cook dinners in exchange for your friend planting your flower or vegetable garden. Start a child care co-op with other mothers with small children if you need help with child care. Get creative!
3) Shift your beliefs
Your thoughts may be perpetuating your feelings of guilt when you think about hiring out some of your tasks. Ask yourself these four questions to help you change your thinking and feel more freedom about getting additional help:
A) What situation is triggering the guilt?
B) What is my underlying belief?
C) Where does this belief come from?
D) What is healthier belief?
Here is a personal example from my own life. After I had my first child, I was still wanting to finish my education but I needed some tools to sort through the guilt relating to hiring child care:
What situation is triggering my guilt? Hiring a caregiver for my baby when I’m in class. What is my underlying belief? I should be with my baby 24 hours a day. A good mom is always with her baby and puts her own goals on hold. What is the origin of my belief? Cultural messages, beliefs of some family members. What is healthier belief? I am my son’s primary caregiver, however, he will benefit from interacting with others, including his dad, grandparents, and other responsible adults.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic! Do you hire out any household responsibilities?
Peer pressure doesn’t end in High School. Questions like “When are you getting engaged?”, “When are you two getting married?” or “You’re not going to work after you have your baby, are you?” can be stressful, especially when coming from those you love. Read my advice with readers on how to handle those nosy neighbors, family and friends.Â
Read WomansDay.com article “How to handle relationship questions gracefully”HERE
