Merry CHRISTmas!

May you have a Christ-centered Christmas filled with hope and faith and joy in Christ.

Listen to “You & Yours Show” Podcast

1-Manage your own stress

Examine your own expectations and let go of some things so you’ll be your best version of yourself and able to manage family conflict calmly.

2-You can’t try to please everyone

It’s not your job to make everyone happy and meet their expectations of you. Remember “no one died from disappointment!”

3-Schedule down time

Especially if you have family coming to stay with you during the holidays make sure to carve out time for you and for your marriage. Build self-care into the schedule so you don’t get too overwhelmed.

4-Start with your own family then move outward

Ask yourself, your spouse, and your children how THEY want to spend their time, and make that top priority.

5-Just because you’ve always done it doesn’t mean you have to continue to do it

Traditions are meant to create meaning and promote bonding, not bondage. Choose to skip out on some of the expected things. That’s the beauty of being an adult — you get to choose what you want to do.

6-Set expectations ahead of time

If you know that in the past there have been conflicts, address it ahead of time. Where will family be staying? If you’re hosting a party what are your expectations of others?

7-No on can “guilt trip” you without consent

When you’re approached by a family member about an event you’re not attending or why you didn’t spend as much money as someone spent on you, don’t take the bait!

8-Answer those awkward questions with confidence

You’ve go to love those questions like “So your husband’s still unemployed?” or “So you finally decided to come to OUR Christmas party this year?” answer directly and with confidence.

9-Assume other’s best intentions

With so many expectations swirling, too much sugar, and not enough sleep, it’s easy to get offended if a sister in law forgot to give you a gift, or if your uncle makes an off-handed comment about your parenting skills. Assume the BEST instead of the worst case scenario for their motive.

10-Listen to others graciously and do what you want to do

While it’s nice if everyone’s expectations are met, it’s unlikely. Empathize with your extended family’s disappointment that you couldn’t make their party or you chose to opt out of a certain tradition, and then continue with your holiday plans.

Merry Christmas and take good care of You and Yours!

Listen to Julie Hanks, LCSW weekly podcast show You and Yours on the Women’s Information Network

That’s my Dad Lex on the piano.(You’ll notice me coaching him on the arrangement at the beginning of the video – we hadn’t rehearsed it).

Read it here

Although many radio stations start playing Christmas music Nov. 1st, I choose to wait until Thanksgiving is over to break out the Christmas music. A few years ago my dad Lex gave his daughters original arrangements of Christmas carols! One of the benefits of having a composer father and talented sisters. Enjoy!

If I ever get the chance to produce a Christmas CD, what songs would you like included on it?

Women often complain about their husband’s lack of help or enthusiasm for the holiday preparations. Husband’s are often puzzled about why wives get so stressed out about shopping, decorating, and baking. Here’s why women get stressed and solutions to get your man to help with the festivities.

1-Women feel responsible for the “intangibles” of family life (e.g. maintaining relationships, fulfilling family expectations, setting mood & tone, giving meaning to family traditions, a sense that they are adding value)

Get your man to help by…Sharing what your holiday traditions mean to you. (“It’s important to me to keep in touch with friends and family through sending yearly Christmas cards.” “Baking cookies reminds me of holidays with my grandmother and helps me feel connected to her.”)

 2-Women want to fulfill their own & other’s expectations

Get your man to help by… listening to your husband’s feedback that challenges your assumptions about the way things “should be”. Allow your spouse to help you find more realistic expectations. (“Maybe we don’t need to send out Christmas cards every year. Maybe every other year would be fine.” “Do we really have to make homemade gifts for the entire neighborhood?”)

3-Women feel like they should be able to “do it all” & have difficulty asking for help

Get your man to help by… Ask for help directly, specifically, & with a time frame. ( “Will you help put labels on the Christmas cards by the end of the weekend?” “Will you be in charge of buying gifts for Brooke & Darin this year?” )

Now my dillemna is whether I will go to every possible workshop with 70000 other people and soak in all the knoweldge and inspiration from psychology gurus from across the globe or should I take time this week to relax, relish silence, nap, and be…alone? I’m sure I’ll find somewhere in the middle.

But at this moment, I am alone and I like it.

“Gloria: Celebrating the Life of Christ” Concert
Dec. 4 & 5th 7:30 pm in SLC.