March/April issue of  Wasatch Woman Magazine

If you live out of the area then find fabulous recipes, fashion treands, relationship help, inspiring featured women, book recommendations, and more online. In this issue my relationship article answers your questions about common relationship confrontations and suggest some helpful phrases to handle them smoothly. 

Have you ever encountered mother-in-law trouble, a nosey neighbor, or had a child say “I hate you!”?  

Then click the logo below to read my article online.

I’d love to hear your comments about relationship confrontations. Feel free to comment below (your email will not be made public).

I recently surveyed more than 600 Utah women and found that 60 percent say they take on more commitments than they can handle, and 68 percent reported they don’t say “no” when asked to do something they don’t want to do. There are so many demands on your time and energy that saying “no” is crucial to your emotional well-being.

Why is it hard to say “no”?

In my therapy office and in my workshops I often hear women they don’t say “no” because:

• “I don’t want to disappoint others.”
• “I should be able to do it all.”
• “I want to help.”
• “If I say ‘no’ I feel guilty.”
• “I want to please others.”
• “I feel pressured by others.”

Click  HERE to read more about why “no” is important and for tips to help you say “no”

What a treat to speak and sing for you this morning!

Handouts

CLICK HERE  for tonight’s workshop handout packet! You will be asked to input your email address & name to access the handouts.  For more tips on saying “no” tune in next Tuesday to KSL TV’s Studio 5 from 11-noon for my segment called “Find the voice to say NO”. 

Songs

Here are the names of songs that I performed & link to iTunes. 
God’s Signature (to be released on “Best Of” album April 20)
Make Enough of Me (iTunes)   

Follow Me

Your Feedback

To contact me directly with questions or comments click here.  I’d love to hear what you found were the most helpful ideas we discussed this morning. Feel free to leave comments about the the workshop in the comment form below (the comment form  requires name and your email address to comment but your email address will not be included in the post. )

Presenting this workshop is a way to remind myself to place my oxygen mask on first,  then assist others. I sure enjoyed your participation tonight and learned a lot from our candid discussion and your excellent comments! My thoughts and prayers are with you as I know that many of you are grieving the loss of a dear friend and community member.

Handouts

CLICK HERE  for tonight’s workshop handout packet! You will be asked to input your email address & name to access the handouts.  

For more tips on saying “no” tune in next Tuesday to KSL TV’s Studio 5 from 11-noon for my segment called “Find the voice to say NO”. 

Songs

Here are the names of songs that I performed tonight & link to iTunes. 
God’s Signature (to be released on “Best Of” album this April)
Make Enough of Me

Follow Me

Your Feedback

To contact me directly with questions or comments click here.  I’d love to hear what you found were the most helpful ideas we discussed this evening. Feel free to leave comments about the the workshop in the comment form below (the comment form  requires name and your email address to comment but your email address will not be included in the post. )

Read our Feb. Newsletter

Cultivating Sexual Desire in Marriage

Women’s Workshop
Wed. March 3, 2010
7:00-9:00PM
Wasatch Family Therapy, LLC Salt Lake City, UT

Join me for an evening of  enlightening lecture and dynamic small group discussion (women only) designed to help you:

Understand how men & women approach sex differently
Challenge negative beliefs about your body to increase confidence
Find practical ways to prioritize lovemaking
Decrease emotional barriers to physical intimacy
Expand your definition of wife to include more passion
Gain tools to better communicate your preferences and needs

For more details or to register CLICK HERE

Power Affairs: Why do men who have it all cheat? Watch News Clip

Why do you think people are willing to risk it all? Post comments below (email address will not be made public).

Identify Your Feelings, Thoughts, Needs

Before you can get comfortable expressing your inner experience with your husband, it’s important to get acquainted with your own inner life.  Ask yourself daily, “How am I feeling?”, “What am I thinking?”  & “What am I needing from my husband?” A helpful place to start in identifying your emotions is ask yourself which one of these 4 feeling words describes what’s going on inside:

happy     mad      sad      scared 

Knowing how you feel, what you think is the first step to developing the confidence to share the deeper parts of you with your husband.

Explore Family Patterns

Great job recognizing the impact of your family on your emotional tendency to hold things in and challenging yourself to express when it doesn’t come naturally to you. Since you didn’t learn the skills to express emotions and thoughts it may take some time to get comfortable sharing your inner experiences with your husband. Often we apply our family of origin relationship rules to our current relationships, whether or not they actually apply to the current situation. Ask yourself the following questions:

“How did my family manage intense emotion?”

“How does my reluctance to express myself make sense, given my life experience?”

“What am I afraid will happen if I speak up now, in my marriage?”

Revisit the Hurt

Once you’ve identified what’s going on inside of you, during a calm time sit down with your husband and revisit a time when he has said something that hurt you. This is not  an opportunity to prove him wrong, but to share your feelings with him when neither of you are emotionally escalated.  You might want to say something like, “Remember last week when we were talking about the money? I know we were both upset. I wanted to tell you that I felt hurt when you said that I my poor budegeting is the reason we are in debt. Can we talk more about that? I need you to hear how hurt I was and I want to understand better where you are coming from.” 

Trust Husband’s Positive Intent

Assuming your husband is a nice guy, he may be unintentionally saying hurtful  things to try and get ANY kind of emotional response from you to prove that you are still invested in marriage and that you still care about him. His jabs may be a way of trying to reach the deeper parts of you and to connect with you when you start to shut down emotionally.  If you have a pretty good relationship overall, it’s best to assume the best, instead of the worst, about your spouse’s intentions, even if it doesn’t appear that way on the surface. Hold on to his positive intent to help you gain even more courage to share more of yourself with him.

I welcome questions and comments about this topic. Please use the comment box below (your email address will not be made public).