You’re probably asking yourself, “How can I reach a New Year’s resolution if I don’t write it down? Isn’t that the first rule of goal setting?” Don’t panic. Writing down things to do and ways to improve can be a helpful tool in becoming who you want to be. But the trouble with to do lists is not that we use them, it’s how we use them.

In my therapy practice, I often hear individuals complain of feeling like they “can’t get everything done” and then use their unmet resolutions and never-ending to do lists as evidence. I’m not suggesting you permanently toss your list, but rather wait. Before you write down resolutions for the new year, take a step back and acknowledge all of your important contributions and growth over the past year by creating what I call a “ta da” list. Doing so is a sure way to kiss guilt goodbye and start the new year feeling positive about who you are and what you’ve already accomplished.

Include everything you saw, did or learned during the previous 12 months, as well as details of small things you and others at home or work tend to overlook (e.g. played in the park with the children, organized the linen closet, finished an important project at work, befriended an elderly neighbor). Remember to include the small relationship contributions you made to enrich the lives of those you love (e.g. supported a friend, prepared a church lesson, took your child to the doctor, made a special meal for your family).

Here are some questions to help you get started on your “ta da” list:

• What have I done in the past year to provide physical or emotional support to someone else?
• How have I grown over the past year from life experiences and unexpected events?
• What have I done in the past year to better care for my physical and emotional health?
• What have I done that no one notices unless it doesn’t get done?

Once you’ve taken time to reflect and focus on the many great things you have already accomplished, you can have more confidence and clarity as you create your resolutions for 2012.

If you already struggle with perfectionism, the holiday season can be particularly difficult for stress management. For one thing, there are often higher expectations, more on your to do list, and more people to please. So, whether you struggle with perfectionism when it comes to buying the “perfect” gift, decorating the house “perfectly”, sending out the “perfect” Christmas card with the best family picture (mailed the day after Thanksgiving), or whether your obsessed with what to make for Christmas Eve dinner. Never fear! Here are a few tips to help you take a step back and let go of holiday perfectionism.

1) Says who?

Perfectionists tend to have rules about how things should be.

• Write down a list of a few of your Christmas “shoulds” that weigh you down.
• What if you thought about every tradition, decoration, gift as optional, as something you get to choose to do or attend or buy, or not?
• Add the question “says who” at the end and actually answer the question. For example, if my rule is “I should give a handmade neighbor gift to everyone on my street…says who?” my answer may be “Martha Stewart”
• Ask yourself if you want to accept that rule or reject that rule.

2) Traditions CAN be broken

Just because you’ve sent out 500 Christmas cards every year for 20 years doesn’t mean you have to send out cards this year. Just because you’ve always had Christmas Eve dinner at aunt Mary’s for 30 years doesn’t mean that you have to go. Be a rebel and consider breaking a family tradition, just this once.

3) Allow others to be disappointed

If you don’t find the exact gift your 10 year old wants, or you don’t get around sending out cards, expect that others will be disappointed. That’s OK. It’s not your job to keep everyone happy or make sure your children, or anyone else’s expectations are met.

4) Go for “good enough”

Anything worth doing is worth doing__________________(fill in the blank). If you’re a true perfectionist your answer will be “well” or “perfectly”. I prefer the fill in the blank with “badly”. Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. As a reformed perfectionist myself (or should I say a selective perfectionist), this phrase has helped give me permission to embrace mediocrity. Instead of seeking perfection, try going for “good enough”. Does the tree look good enough? Try it.

5) Focus on relationships over “stuff”

Remember that relationships are always more important that “stuff”. Have you ever heard of anyone on their death bed lament that they didn’t spend enough money or time or energy on Christmas gifts, lights, decor, shopping? What really matters are people — those special connections to the ones we love. Spending time, expressing gratitude, writing letters, and showing affection to loved ones is the most important part of holidays. Focus on your spiritual beliefs, your family, and on feeling grateful for all of the imperfect people in your life.

Photo credit © 2010 Hannah Bryant

Listen to episode (007) “Mood Boosters to Beat the Winter Blahs“

I’m thrilled to be a part of Deseret Book’s Time Out For Women Tour next year! When I got the invitation to be a presenter, I was honored. Speaking to women is one of my favorite things to do, and I especially love speaking to LDS women. I’ll be sharing how to become “Your Most Authentic Self”, to become the women God wants you to be, and how to make sure that you’re own needs are being met so there’s more of you to give to those you love.

Click here to find out which cities I’ll be visiting

Early bird special if you register before December 6th!

Oh, and I’m finishing up my first book to be released in Aug. 2012!

Will I see you at TOFW???

Q: I’m in the first year in university, my story started when I finished high school with high grades but due to money problems I couldn’t attend medicine faculty and now I’m studying pharm.d.

But since I started to study this all people keep asking me why I’m not studying medicine and they feel sorry about me, now I can change my major to dentistry and I’m thinking about attending it because anyway it’s higher than my current major, simply I can just throw off all the people’s talking about me if I do that, actually I’m more interested in practical studying offered in dentistry but I will lose a semester and I will be late, actually I don’t know what I want!
PS: sorry for my language being bad because I’m not a native speaker

A: Young adulthood and the huge decisions that come along with it can be overwhelming. You are not alone.

Your struggle to find your academic and career path are shared by many I’ve seen in clinical practice. There are so many factors to consider and so many people influencing major life decisions that it can be hard to find yourself in the process.

I know it’s difficult, but try to remember that most of the people who are giving you input aren’t going to be in your life forever. The most important person to please in your academic decision is you! You are the one who’s going to be doing the graduate work. You are the one who is going to be going to your job and finding fulfillment or regret, not them.

Have you spoken with a counselor at the university to help guide you through this decision-making process? If you haven’t, I suggest that you do. An academic counselor can help you sort through which educational and career path will be the best fit for you and can help you identify possible financial resources that you may not have considered.

I also recommend talking with professional pharmacists, dentists, and physicians and doing some job shadowing to get a feel for what they do. If you are really having a difficult time deciding, it’s all right to take time off from school to decide, or to switch majors if you find that what you’re doing doesn’t suit you. Yes, you will have lost some credits and it will take longer to graduate, but doing something that you enjoy will be worth it.

Take good care of yourself!

Julie Hanks LCSW

photo credit: /kb

Back to school doesn’t have to be all about your kids. Let the start of a new school year inspire you. Therapist, Julie Hanks, has a grown-up perspective on back to school that can help improve your emotional health. I recently did an interview for Natural Health Magazine’s article “Back to School for Grown Ups” about channeling school day memories and fall’s energy to improve our lives as adults. Here’s a quote from the article:

The weather, certain smells, certain tastes-all of these things can trigger memories of earlier experiences,” says Julie Hanks LCSW, a psychotherapist in Salt Lake City. “Come fall, some women feel the same type of anticipation they did as kids and might even unconsciously find ways to relive or improve upon the experience.”

I thought it would be fun to take inspiration from school days gone by and put my own emotional health twist to it, to help inspire you to take care of your emotional selves. Let’s reclaim some of the joy associated with the beginning of a new school year!

1) If you loved recess

Why we loved it – games, freedom, break from school work, fun, social interaction.

TIP: Bring back playfulness & joy to physical activity

Instead of exercising to lose weight or burn calories, focus on activities that are fun, provide social interaction, and feel nurturing. Check out fun activities at community recreation centers or adult recreational activities and sports leagues. My friend and neighbor Andrya Lewis, recently brought up her decision to exercise for fun and when she feels like it. “At this point in my life, I deserve to do what I want to do.” Here’s Andrya at a Jazzercise class that combines her love of dance, music, and socializing.

2) If you loved school lunch

Why we loved – As a child we ate without guilt or concern for nutrition. My elementary school favorite was pizza day with an ice cream sandwich for dessert.

TIP: Eat for pleasure

Take a break from counting calories, fat grams, etc. Splurge on your favorites once in a while. Earlier this week I went to lunch with some girlfriends and we ordered turkey sandwiches with cheese (instead of without), dressing on the salad (instead of on the side), and we ordered dessert.

3) If you loved making new friends…

Why we loved it – different students in class each year introduced us to a variety of people and potential for new friends.

TIP: Shake up your social scene

Take the advice you tell your kids and extend yourself to someone outside of your usual circle. Reach out to someone who may need a friend, who’s new at work, or who recently moved into the neighborhood.

Build in activities that get you out of your comfort zone socially like joining a mom’s club, hiking club, book club.

I recently helped a psychotherapy client with this very topic. She struggles with depress and was feeling socially isolated. We came up with a list of her interests, a list of clubs, church groups she could participate in. I encouraged her to build new social interactions into her weekly schedule. She joined a community theater production and attended a weekly church group to expand her social network.

4) If you loved new subjects

Why we loved learning – variety of subjects, interactive learning, projects, activities, adventure, willing to take risks and try something new.

TIP: Learn what you wished you’d learned in youth

“I wish I’d learned how to _______________________.” It’s never too late to learn something new. Be willing to get out of your comfort zone and to look foolish, at times. Local school district community education programs for adults are an excellent resource for low cost classes that range from cake decorating, to home buying, to parenting, to salsa dancing, to guitar lessons, and so on. For years I’ve been inspired by my friend and colleague psychologist Dr. Kathryn Kair who started taking dance lessons in her 30′s and turned a room in her home into a dance studio. She also started taking piano and singing lessons at age 34. She didn’t have the opportunities to take lessons in childhood so she decided to learn them as an adult. Her step-daughter Nicole decided to join her and learn how to belly dance.

5) If you loved riding the school bus

Why we loved it — Down-time, relax, visit with friends, trusted someone else to get you where you needed to go, take the long way home.

TIP: Try public transportation

Let someone else be in charge of navigation so you can read, rest, or play games on your phone. Try taking UTA Trax or bus to your next business meeting, lunch date with friends, fun activities with the kids or for weekend date night. I asked my Facebook friends about their past school bus riding experiences. While riding the bus was not a highlight for everyone, Lauren said, “I loved it. I would meet my friends at the bus stop. We would play cats cradle till the bus came, sit up front and talk to the bus driver and sing.”

On the topic of using public transportation as an adult, Bruce said that he enjoys the “chill-out time on the bus and train so that when I get home I’ve shook off most of the garbage from work and am ready to be human as I walk through the door at home.” Other friends listed these benefits of public transportation: getting work done, meditating or reading scripture, journal writing, and sleep.

Back to school isn’t just for kids. Let this time of year inspire you to reclaim the best parts of your youth.

Next time you’re at the grocery store or Barnes and Noble pick up

Sept. 2011 Natural Health Magazine & flip to pg. 56.

I’m quoted in the intro paragraph in a fun article about how to tap into the energy of back to school time to energize yourself to get more organized and healthy…as an adult.

Here’s what I have to say…

Does that little voice in your head say mean things to you, call you names, point out all of your weakness? What’s behind our tendency to to belittle ourselves? Here are 3  specific tips to tame your inner critic, and a warning about how self-criticism can negatively impact your children (even if you are telling them how wonderful THEY are)

Click arrow below to listen…

Listen to part 1 here

Ok. Now it’s YOUR turn to take my challenge. Post 10 things you like about yourself below! (Your email will be kept private. I promise!)

My first confessions post was a response to people constantly saying, “How do you do everything? I see you on TV, hear you on the Radio, see your Facebook posts, read your articles, you spoke at our women’s event last week, I love your music, and you have 4 kids…” I shared some of the things I don’t do as a wife/mom/homemaker (like “cook” breakfast or attend every soccer game) in the first confessions post and it ended up being the most viewed post of 2010. I’ve often wondered why.

My best guess is that it’s something like dropping by a neighbor’s house and seeing over her shoulder that her house is a pigsty, and then feeling relieved that you’re not the only one who has dishes are piled in the sink, kids running around half naked, and toys strewn across the living room. We all want to know we’re not alone – that we’re not the only imperfect woman around. You know what I really dig? I love when I’m at someone’s house, and it’s a disaster, and they DON’T apologize for it. They own it. They just carry on. It’s so refreshing. So, here it goes. Peer into my “messy house” with no apologies.

I kill plants. I try to take care of living things, namely house plants, but they are always on the brink of death. I just feel pretty darn good that the humans in my home aren’t on the brink of starvation or dehydration and seem to be growing just fine.

I never make my bed. I try to be consistent with the household chores and daily routine, but I am OK with “more often than not” for the kids and for myself.

At times, I’d rather be with my Mac than with people.  Don’t get me wrong. I love people. I love my family. I love my job as a therapist and speaker and performing songwriter. I am by nature an extrovert, energized by people, fascinated by who they are and why they do what they do. But, I am also in love with technology and I think the internet is the coolest playground ever invented. Apps, widgets, plugins, WordPress, Hootsuite…I’m a cheerleader turned techno geek.

I lie to my children. “All I want is for you to be happy,” I say. But the truth is, while I do want them to be happy, I also want them to do what I think is best for them. I want them to make me look like a good parent (after all, I’m a therapist). I want them to make me feel OK about the choices I’ve made.

I want to run away, sometimes. OK, even though I know that my life is really pretty good, I sometimes fantasize about living a lazy life on a villa at the beach, alone. But, luckily that impulse doesn’t last very long…

I watch WAY too much TV. Seriously. I am currently DVR-ing House, Biggest Loser Couples, ANTM, Storage Wars, Studio 5, The Office, The Voice, American Idol, and I’m so excited about the new season of So You Think You Can Dance that it’s kind of embarrassing.

I don’t do things I don’t want to do. OK, there are a few exceptions like cleaning up after an overflowing toilet which happened yesterday afternoon. But in general, whether it’s a speaking invitation, cleaning out a closet, writing a song, watching a friend’s kids, volunteering at school, playing a benefit concert, or taking my kids swimming I usually go with my gut in deciding what to commit to. I think that what I want and how I feel about what I’m doing in life is crucial information.

Ok, now it’s your turn to confess. What are the things you don’t do? Comment below (your email will no be made public).

Self & relationship expert Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW is wife of 22 years and mother of 4, a licensed psychotherapist, a popular media contributor, and director of Wasatch Family Therapy. Watch Julie on KSL TV’s Studio 5, listen on B98.7 radio, and read her national advice columns on Psych Central, and Latter-day Woman Magazine. Follow Julie on Twitter & Facebook!

Below is the link to download handouts as well as some other links that you may find helpful. Also, at the bottom of the page is a music video for “Make Enough of Me” the last song I sang.

Thank you again for a delightful evening!

Julie

Handouts

Click here for workshop handout

Music

Buy Masterpiece CD on DeseretBook.com

Download Masterpiece CD on iTunes.com

Counseling

Find out more about my therapy practice

Get more marriage and family relationship advice

Watch KSL TV’s Studio 5 Segments

Music Video

I’d love your feedback about the workshop. Please post comments below.

Below is the handout link as well as some other links that you may find helpful. Also, at the bottom of the page is a music video for “Make Enough of Me” – the last song I sang. Thanks again for letting me be with you tonight. You touched my life for good.

XO, Julie

Handouts

Click here for workshop handout

Music

Buy Masterpiece CD on DeseretBook.com

Download Masterpiece CD on iTunes.com

Counseling

Find out more about my therapy practice

Get more marriage and family relationship advice

Watch KSL TV’s Studio 5 Segments

Music Video

I’d love your feedback about the workshop. Please post comments below.

Below is the handout link as well as some other links that you may find helpful. Also, at the bottom of the page is a music video for “Make Enough of Me” – the last song I sang. Thanks again for letting me be with last tonight!

XO, Julie

Handouts

Click here for workshop handout

Music

Buy Masterpiece CD on DeseretBook.com

Download Masterpiece CD on iTunes.com

Counseling

Find out more about my therapy practice

Get more marriage and family relationship advice

Watch KSL TV Segments

Music Video

I’d love your feedback about the workshop. Please post comments below.

Remember to do one “get to” every day!

XO, Julie

Handouts

Click here for workshop handout

Music

Buy Masterpiece CD on DeseretBook.com

Download Masterpiece CD on iTunes.com

Counseling

Find out more about my therapy practice

Get more marriage and family relationship advice

Watch KSL TV Segments

Music Video

I’d love your feedback about the workshop. Please post comments below.

Listen to episode (006) New Twist on New Year’s Resolution

Subscribe to podcast “You and Yours Show” on iTunes

You and Yours Show with Julie Hanks, LCSW on The Women’s Information Network

Free workshop handout

Click here for free handout (you’ll be asked to fill out a brief form & will be added to my newsletter list)

Purchase full workshop transcript

To purchase a transcript of today’s workshop click the link below to pay via PayPal (cost is $5.99). Transcript will be emailed to you as soon as it is available.

If you want to purchase a transcript of today’s workshop don’t have a PayPal account, please contact me here to request transcript when it’s available.

Music links

Here are links to the songs from today’s workshop…

Buy Masterpiece CD on iTunes

Buy Masterpiece CD on DeseretBook.com

Counseling info

Find out more about my therapy practice

Music Video

Here’s a little music video of the last song I sang this morning…

I’d love your feedback about the workshop. Please post comments below.

Love your body handout

Click here for free handout

Purchase full workshop transcript

To purchase a transcript of tonight’s workshop click the link below to pay via PayPal (cost is $5.99). Transcript will be emailed to you as soon as it is available.

If you want to purchase a transcript of tonight’s workshop don’t have a PayPal account, please contact me here to request transcript.

iTunes song links

Here are links to the songs from tonight’s workshop…

God’s Signature

Make Enough Of Me

Other songs you may enjoy…

Masterpiece

What If?

Here are the most read relationship and emotional health articles of 2010!

Have you read them? Please do and as always, I’d love your comments!

Confessions of a Multitasking Mama

Music and Mood: Musing from a Songwriter and Therapist

Making Wedding Anniversaries Meaningful

Boost Your Emotional Energy

Ask Julie: Sharing Difficult Feelings

Eat, Pray, Love…at Home

Simplify Your Day: The Art of Leaving Things Undone

Handling a Narcissistic Mother

You Again?: Moving Beyond High School Insecurities

All He Wants For Christmas Is You

Which one’s your favorite?

The only relationship that is consistent throughout your life is the one you have with yourself. Read my thoughts on strengthening your relationships with yourself in the article “The Power of You”.

Healthy Utah Magazine

Click the cover below to access the online magazine & flip to page 28-29.

Studio 5 Contributor and Self & Family Expert Julie Hanks, LCSW shares ways to continue your personal growth and rediscover your passion without leaving your life to travel the world.

Eat, Pray, Love…at Home

Taking a year out of your life and traveling the world to rediscover yourself, like Elizabeth Gilbert in her best-selling memoir turned blockbuster movie Eat Pray Love, is hardly realistic for me and for most women I know. Yet, there is something about Liz’s quest to reconnect with herself and to rediscover her passion for life that resonates with millions of moviegoers. I believe its possible to continue the journey of personal development while remaining committed to family relationships, and without traveling to exotic destinations.

Tips to Eat Pray Love…at Home:

1-Venture out of your comfort zone

Liz: “I used to have this appetite for life and it’s just gone!” “I want to go someplace where I can marvel at something!” (Eat Love Pray, 2010).

If you feel numb, shut down, or on emotional “autopilot” try stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something new, uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Try a new restaurant or a new sport. Extend yourself to someone outside of your circle of friends. If you like to read fiction, read non-fiction. You don’t have to travel to an exotic destination to get a new perspective on life.

Kelly O. a single 30-something professional decided to face her fears and say YES to new experiences throughout the year. Read her blog post “Unplanning Life” which highlighting 55 new firsts she’s experienced this year. http://kellyolivia.blogspot.com/2010/03/unplanning-life.html

From a man’s perspective…Steven Kapp Perry, radio host & father of 4 got out of his comfort zone by “climbing King’s Peak with my boys (twice) and I’m afraid of heights. I could go on. I think everything good about my life has come from venturing out of whatever my comfort zone used to be. It’s a lot bigger place these days.”

2-Savor your senses

Liz: “I’m having a relationship with my pizza”. This is my no Carb left behind experiment.” (Eat Love Pray, 2010).

Are you trapped in a routine of checking off tasks and making schedules? If so, try tuning into your senses: taste, touch, smell, sight, and sound. The ability to savor your own experience, no matter how small, adds dimension and increases positive feelings of pleasure. Focus on how it feels to be in your body, the wonderful smell of your favorite pizza, the warm touch of a friend’s hand on your shoulder, the beautiful sunset…

In my psychotherapy practice with women, many clients express that they have lost the enjoyment in physical intimacy. I think this is in part because they have become so good at tuning into their loved ones needs and emotions that it becomes difficult to “switch gears” and focus on their own senses; a requirement for fulfilling sexual experiences.

3-Practice mindfulness

Liz: “Ok, Simply empty your mind. You’re going to sit here for an hour of your life and you’re not moving, why is this so hard…” (Eat Love Pray, 2010) .

Focus attention solely on the present moment and acknowledge your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Take a few minutes each day to quiet your mind and see what comes up. Relaxation, meditation, yoga, prayer, and many other spiritual practices provide health and mental health benefits, and have even been shown to improve your relationships.

Jennie M., wife and mother of three boys advises: “Take time to focus on things that matter most to us and try to have a good balance. For me it is running. My husband supports me and watches our 3 boys while I go run 30 – 60 minutes. It’s my time to get out think, pray, re-focus, and have time to myself.”

4-Listen to your inner voice

Liz: “I need to change. Since I was fifteen I’ve either been with a guy or breaking up with a guy” (Eat Love Pray, 2010).

It’s easy to let the voices, needs, opinions, and expectations of others drown out your own voice, just as Liz experienced in Eat Pray Love. If your gut says you need a break, or need more time with friends, or need to rest, listen and ask for your needs to be met. Longings, dreams, thoughts and feelings are clues to what you need in order to continue your personal growth.

Jennie G., wife and stay-at-home mother of five says: “Learn to trust that inner voice. If it tells you that you really need a night out with a friend, do it! If you need to start a new book, buy one. If you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, go serve someone else. If you want to learn something new, sign up for a class. I think each of us know what we need, we’re just too scared or not used to listening to that inner voice that will guide you to exactly what it is you need. The trick is to listen, and know that you are worth listening to!”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Connect with me on the web!

What did you think about the movie Eat Pray Love?

How do you stay passionate about your life and continue your personal growth?

The Oxygen Mask

Several years ago, while traveling on an airplane from UT to CA with my 6 month old son in tow, the safety instructions given by the flight attendant struck me quite differently. “Should the cabin pressure change an oxygen mask will be made available. Place your mask on first, then assist dependent others.” As I held my beloved baby in my arms I thought how foreign, how wrong it would feel for me put my mask on first in the event of an emergency, and yet I also realized how crucial it would be to both of our survival. If I put his mask on first and then I passed out, what good would I be to him or to anyone else?

This analogy applies to our personal lives and the need to care for our physical and emotional selves. It’s often easier to place other’s masks on first and soon find yourself “passed out” due to our lack of “oxygen”. Before putting your mask on, you may first need to discover what your “oxygen” is. In my therapy practice, and in workshops, I hear stories of women who have lost touch with their personal needs, goals, and desires. Reclaiming the things that bring joy and passion into your is the first step in finding time for yourself. Here are two questions to help you identify your specific type of “oxygen”. Grab a paper and pen and write down the first things that come to mind.

1) What brought me pure joy as a child?

Now, take a step to incorporate what brought you joy as a child back into your life. For me, I felt pure childlike joy swimming in my Grandma’s pool in the summertime and standing on the piano bench singing like a little bird while my dad accompanied me on the piano. If I don’t get enough sunshine and water, and if I spend too much time away from music I start to feel less joy in my life now.

2) What do I want to do before I die?

No matter how big your dreams, I encourage you to take one tiny step toward your goal. If you want to travel in Europe, start planning your itinerary and saving a few dollars a week. If your goal is to publish a book, start by writing an outline. You get the idea…

Selfish vs. Self-care

Once you know what kind of “oxygen” you need, the next step is to make your needs, joys, and passions a priority. I’ve surveyed hundreds of women asking them this true/false question “I have enough time to pursue my own interests and needs.” Well over half of them answered “false”. If you aren’t pursuing your own interests and needs who is? Your kids? Yeah, right! Friends? Uh-uh. Hubby? Nope. Others can only help you meet your needs and support you in pursing your passions. If you are waiting for someone else to take care of your personal needs and to fulfill your dreams you will end up being very disappointed, and will likely feel empty and angry.

Many women are reluctant to take responsibility for taking care of their own needs because they fear the “S-word” … being Selfish. When you are considering doing something that nurtures you and doesn’t appear to directly benefit anyone else, do you dismiss your thought as “selfish”? Whether it’s taking care of your physical health like exercising, napping, or eating healthy, or doing things to nurture your mental and emotional health like taking a vacation, spending time with friends, gardening, painting, or reading a good book, it’s easy to let these things you need or want to do take a back seat to the needs of others. See if any of these phrases sound familiar:

I just don’t have time to take care of myself!
I can’t take time away from my family.
I have to finish all of my work before I ‘play’.
I don’t want to be selfish.

Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines selfish as “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself, seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.” Selfish is doing what’s in your best interest without regard for others. Self-care is doing what’s in your best interest with regard for others. Remember “place your mask on first, then assist dependent others”.

Tips To Find Time For You

T    Treat yourself as you would treat others.

Ask yourself, “Would I allow someone else to do this?” If you would allow someone else, then why not allow yourself?

I    Investment in you means rewards for others.

When you care for yourself it creates more energy, more joy, more of you to share with our loved ones.

M    Make and keep appointments with yourself.

Build into your life time to take care of yourself. Put it in your planner and honor your commitment to yourself as you would honor an appointment with a colleague or friend. Schedule in your yoga class or time to write or paint or nap or walk. Also, build in the necessary support you need to follow through with your plan (i.e. schedule a regular babysitter if you have small children)

E     Explore your passions and make them a priority.

Take your answers to the questions, “What brought you joy as a child?” and “What do I want to do before I die?” and give them high priority. Require those around you to support you in your efforts. They may not like it at first, but they will soon see the benefits – a happier you!