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My Top 5 Conversational Pet Peeves

conversational pet peeves

There’s an art to good conversation, and sometimes we don’t get it quite right.  When it comes to conversational mishaps, there’s impolite…and then there’s annoying.  Certain patterns are not only irritating but also don’t work or move the relationship forward.  Here are five conversational pet peeves to avoid (we’re all guilty of at least a few!) :

1)  Asking Veiled Questions

This refers to asking something in a roundabout way instead being upfront.  For example, you might ask your friend, “what are your plans this Saturday?”, but what you really want to know is, “can you help me move this Saturday?”  The reason this is problematic is because it creates anxiety for the other person.  He/ she has to guess what it is you’re going for.  It’s much better to be direct and honest about your question.

2)  Arguing Feelings with Facts

This means that someone addresses an emotional concern with a statement instead of validating feelings.  For example, a woman may tell her husband that it hurts her feelings when he often comes home late without calling her.  If he responds, “I wasn’t late on Monday!” he is fixating on the facts instead of addressing the fact that she is upset.  Some people resort to this tactic as a way to avoid blame, but it often backfires and leaves the other person even more frustrated than before.  Focus on the real issue instead of getting distracted by the details.

3)  Offering Opinions as Reality

Some people are so committed to their views that they see them as absolute truth.  A parent may say something like, “That teacher is horrible!”, but what is a much better alternative is “My daughter really struggled in that teacher’s class.” It’s important to be aware of our own bias and own up to our feelings.  Recognize that not everyone else will necessarily have your same experience or opinion.

4)  Leading with “Don’t you think…?

We’ve all heard someone say, “Don’t you think…?” and then proceed with his/her own view about something.  It’s a way of framing the conversation to be controlling.  Leading a sentence this way is also a setup for an argument with someone who doesn’t agree.  Don’t assume someone has the same view as you, and resist the temptation to bandwagon people to your side.

5)  Hijacking Feedback

This refers to how some individuals confronted with critical feedback turn the dialogue back on themselves.  For example, if you tell a friend that you were offended that you were left out of a group lunch, she would be hijacking the feedback if she said something along the lines of, “I’m such a bad friend!  I always leave people out, and I’m not considerate of other people.”  You then are forced to comfort her from her shame, whereas she should be the one owning up to what she did.  In situations like these, it’s important to really hear the other person out, resist making it about you, and then owning up to your words or actions.

5 Minute Relationship Fix: The S Word

five minute relationship fix

Here is the most recent “5 Minute Relationship Fix” segment from the Todd & Erin Show, where I share quick tips to strengthen relationships in just five minutes!

This week, we’re tackling a topic that comes up over and over again:  the “S” word.  Yep, that’s right, we’re talking about sex!

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Ask Julie: “What Should I Say?”: Studio 5

Straightforward advice for your toughest relationship situations!

This week on KSL TV’s Studio 5 with Brooke Walker I tackle viewer’s tough relationship dilemmas in this new Q & A segment called “Ask Julie.”

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5 Minute Relationship Fix: The Chore Wars

5 Minute Rleationship Fix

This is so cool! Every Friday I’ll be sharing a “5 Minute Relationship Fix” on the Todd & Erin Show. Get quick tips to create strong relationships in just five minutes!

This week: The Chore Wars. How to end the fighting and resentment over who does what at home.

Who’s in charge of the dishes? How about the laundry? Who tracks the kids’ activities? Listen and find out how to clarify the domains in your home.

 

Handling Complicated Mother Relationships on Mother’s Day (part 2)

Every week I give Todd and Erin Show listeners on Rewind100.7 a homework assignment. This week I challenge listeners to list the positive gifts your mother has offered you and to celebrate those on Mother’s Day. It may be a short list. I also encourage listeners to view their mother as not “good” or “bad” but some mixture of both. Listen to part 1

If you need more than “radio therapy” contact WasatchFamilyTherapy.com

Ask Julie: How To Move On After Betrayal

I was with my ex for only a few months, but as far as I was concerned it was a serious relationship. Towards the beginning of our relationship we discussed various issues which we both had – he had been sexually abused as a young child, and I had been sexually assaulted only a year before I met him. We discussed these issues and how they affected us in terms of our relationships with other people. I realise it sounds naive, but I fell in love with him and would have done anything to help him. He confided in me that he was in a substantial amount of debt and was constantly worried that his house and possessions would be repossessed etc., and despite the fact that I am a student and have very little money to myself, I had a part-time job (while he was unable to find a job) and lent him around £1000. He always swore that he would pay this money back, but after splitting up with me he decided that he wouldn’t. Legally, I can’t do anything about this because neither of us signed any kind of contract.

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Managing Friendship Breakups: Studio 5

Adult friendships can be hard to cultivate and maintain.  When you notice a friend seeming a bit stand-offish, stops returning calls, or gives you a cold shoulder you should you say something or let the friendship go? I offer some advice on how to deal with adult friendship break-ups.

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Ask Julie: Am I Depressed?

Q: So five months ago, I moved from Chicago to a new school. I thought it would be great to move to a new school, but I was wrong. It isn’t and I’m still not making any close friends. Everyone already has all their groups and best friends, so it’s really hard for me. I still haven’t found Read more

The Relationship Benefits of Double Dating: Shape Magazine Interview

According to new research by Wayne State University, double dating may be a way to boost the bond with your partner. The study found that couples who shared embarrassing moments or asked for advice on personal matters reported feeling more passionate love than couples who kept it to small talk. I share a few tips to keep in mind to get the most out of your double dating experience in this Shape Magazine article.

Read article online Can Double Dating Improve Your Relationship?