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How To Stop Competing

Whether it’s physical appearance, parenting skills, possessions, talents, homes, weight, success, money, creativity, marital status, our children’s behavior…it seems that we women view other women’s success as a threat to our own worth.

In order to manage our own fears and insecurities, we try to prove that we are “good enough” by one-upping someone else. While this may lead to temporary feelings of validation, it never leads to long-term feelings of self-worth.

Why do women compete with one another? Here are a few common reasons that competitive feeling can settle in:

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Stop Pretending You’re ‘Fine’

Our goal this month on Studio 5 is to help you “Live without Pretending.” We’re giving you a chance to put that theme into practice, starting with the conversations you have every day. Therapist Julie Hanks says it’s time to stop pretending you’re fine, when you’re not.

When someone asks, “How are you?”, do you automatically say, “I’m fine”? If so, you’re not alone. “Fine” seems to be the default answer for many of us. Sometimes we’re not fine but we feel like we should be fine. Here are some ways to stop pretending you’re find and become more authentic.

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Ask Julie: Periodic Depression Interferes with Life

Q: I get depressed sporadically and it interferes with my life and I want to fix it. I’ve always had emotional problems my whole life. Anxiety, depression, difficulty coping with life, codependency, low self-esteem; and I have been trying SO HARD to “just be happy” like everyone tells me to do, but I just can’t do it. I TRY. And I don’t want to take meds, and I don’t know how much a therapist is but I don’t have a lot of money.

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Ask Julie: Should I Seek Help For Depression?

I have been struggling with what I believe to be depression for the last year and a half (I have never been diagnosed with depression). I thought it was linked with my hypothyroidism, but even after recieving treatment for it the depression (or what I thought to be depression) still lingers. Should I seek help from a professional or should I simply leave everything as is. (I am desperate for some form of advice because whatever I have has caused many problems at home and in school).

A:Thanks so much for writing in. The answer is yes, you should address the depression. I want to recommend that you talk to your parent or guardian about getting you in for a mental health evaluation. The depression may or may not be linked to your other health problems. Watch the video for additional help.

Take good care of yourself!
Julie Hanks, LCSW

Cure For Holiday Perfectionism: Sharecare

Does the holiday season bring out feelings of not being enough or doing enough? Here’s some help for holiday perfectionism in my guest post for ShareCare. Click the link above to read article.

Cut Down On Family Drama During The Holidays: Studio 5

Through my own personal experience, coupled with professional experience working with families for nearly 20 years, I’ve learned a few helpful strategies for navigating those occasional stressful situations that come whenever families gather.

It’s not your job to make everyone happy
Even though I deal holiday celebrations are associated with happiness, remember that it’s not your job to make everyone happy. Someone will inevitably be disappointed because they didn’t get a gift they were hoping for or because you spent more time with your partner’s family than with them. I worked with a woman in my clinical practice who worked so hard to make sure that everyone delighted with the holiday gifts and family celebrations that she ended up exacerbating her existing physical health problems and had to spend most of the holiday in bed. We worked together to help her let others have the “privilege” of learning how to deal with disappointment and upset.

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