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Ask Julie: I’m Afraid My Husband Will Cheat On Me

Q: I need help on this issue. I feel myself getting jealous all the time with my husband, and I don’t want to be like that. My last relationships were a disaster. My kids’ father cheated on me our whole 15-year relationship; I didn’t know he was cheating until towards the end. Then my next relationship, he went to Florida and brought someone back with him and they started living together right away. That was a 3-year relationship I had with him. I always think my husband is cheating on me or talking to someone. It’s like I don’t want him going anywhere without me. I love him, and I don’t want to be like that with him. He’s never given me a reason to think this. Please help me.

A: While it’s common for unresolved hurt from past betrayal to bring out insecurities in a current relationship, ironically, it may end up pushing your husband away if you don’t resolve your past hurts. When you bring up your jealousy with your husband, make sure that you own that it is your past, not him, that is the problem. Please meet with a therapist to address the underlying emotions that are feeding your jealousy and lack of trust. Thanks so much for writing in. Watch the video to hear my complete answer.

Take good care of yourself and your relationship!

Do Your Kids Define You?: Studio 5

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Being a good parent requires a tremendous amount of time, love, and energy, but what happens when a well-meaning mom or dad becomes too enmeshed in their children’s lives? Over-involvement can unknowingly do damage to kids, who then become responsible for their parents’ well-being and happiness. On the other hand, parents who can draw a separation between themselves and their children are emotionally healthier and are actually able to give more to their families.

Below are 5 questions to ask yourself to determine whether or not your kids define you (along with some strategies to help you reclaim yourself if you find that you’ve taken on a little too much):

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Celebrity Legacies airs Tonight: Kurt Cobain 20 Years Later

In tonight’s premiere of Celebrity Legacies: Kurt Cobain on ReelzChannel, I provide commentary on mental health and family aspects of Cobain’s meteoric rise and tragic fall, and the possible impact of his fame and fortune on surviving family members.

It’s been twenty years since the tragic death of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head. Cobain’s musical legacy defined a generation and a musical genre. Cobain’s fame and fortune did not bring peace or satisfaction to Cobain. His suicide note summarized his life well by quoting Neil Young’s lyric…“I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.” Cobain joined what has been coined “the 27 club”: a group of exceptionally brilliant and troubled musicians (Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Amy Winehouse) who have died of drugs or other violent means at the tender age of only 27.

Julie Hanks on Celebrity Legacies

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How To Be More Assertive: Studio 5

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“Assertiveness” is a word that can have some negative connotations. Some might equate being assertive with being pushy, bossy, or controlling. But in reality, assertiveness is a communication skill that can help us express our feelings and needs and ultimately grow closer in our relationships. The truth is that assertiveness is extremely important in having the life we want. Here are some strategies to help you be more assertive:

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How to Harness the Power of Procrastination: Studio 5

Most all of us have procrastinated at one point or another. We delay doing things like taxes, cleaning, work projects, etc. While we tend to think of this as a bad habit, it’s possible to manage the tendency to put things off to actually benefit you. Here are 4 ways to harness the power of procrastination:

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What To Do When You Don’t Like Your Child’s Friends: LDS Living Magazine Interview

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Have you ever gotten bad vibes from one of your children’s friends? Maybe you felt like he/she was a negative influence or was causing your son or daughter to be unhappy.  It can be hard to know when you as a parent should get involved and when it’s better to just let things be.

As a licensed therapist and a mother of four children, I am certainly familiar with this scenario, and I recently sat down with LDS Living Magazine to offer my views on it. Here are a few strategies for what to do when you don’t like your kids’ friends:

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Boost Self-Esteem to Improve Relationships: Huff Post Interview

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No matter what great things we accomplish or how much confidence we build, the truth is that all of us have weaknesses and insecurities. And sometimes, unfortunately, they can get out of hand and interfere with our lives. Have you ever felt a strain on a relationship because of a nagging insecurity of yours? If so, you’re not alone. Studies have shown that the way we feel about ourselves, for good or for bad, is a critical factor in how happy we are in romantic relationships. 
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Ask Julie: I Have No Self-Esteem

Q:I’ve come to realize for the last fifteen years that I have no self esteem, and I try to accomplish tasks that are far too difficult to make me feel slightly okay and keep myself non-suicidal. And when I fail, I feel so terrible; like I want to die.

I’m not a suicidal person. I’m not, I just have issues with my self-esteem. I have had problems with bullying for many, many years, and only have friends over the internet, not in real life. This has resulted in my low self-esteem, I think.

To make myself get through a day and feel half decent, I try to accomplish a task. However, when I fail at this task, I feel completely worthless.  My family doesn’t care, and I don’t have anyone to turn to on this matter. Can you please help me?

A: I am so sorry to hear of your pain over the last 15 years. If you’ve been bullied for years it makes sense that your self-esteem would become very fragile. I suggest that you get into therapy, particularly group therapy, to start expanding your relationships and learn how to trust. Please take a few minutes to watch the rest of my response in the video below…

Take good care of yourself!
Julie Hanks, LCSW