____________________________________________

“Dear Julie,  I can’t end this year without sharing my story and thanking you for the role that you played in it. As a child I survived horrible traumas that I suppressed until adulthood. The beginning of this year I knew that I needed help and prayed for guidance on how to get the help that I needed. You have always been one of my favorite LDS artists and in May you posted a song on your Facebook page. I can’t remember who sang it or the name of the song, but it mentioned that sometimes crying can be so healing. That night for the first time since the trauma, I allowed myself to cry and mourn what had happened to me. It felt so healing. It gave me the courage to seek help from Wasatch Family Therapy and I began therapy with Melanie Davis. She is exactly what I needed and is amazing. I am so excited to say that I am doing so well right now and I feel like I have my life back. I can’t even begin to thank you for the difference you have made in my life. I am a survivor and know that I can accomplish anything. I hope that you have a wonderful 2012…I know that I will.”

___________________________________________________

The song she’s referring to is “Blessings” by Laura Story -  a song I wish I’d written.

1- Gain a few pounds
2- Exercise sporadically
3- Pile up more papers around the house
4- Leave Christmas decor up until Feb
5- Start taxes on April 14
6- Watch too much reality TV
7- Write in my journal…once
8- Eat chocolate daily
9- Buy some shoes
10- Spend more time on Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest

Pin It

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas an Happy New Year. Here’s to 2012!

“Thanks for brining presents but iff you think I don’t need it than give it to people who doesn’t get presents.”

Merry Christmas.

How far have you gone to keep your kids believing in Santa?

How old were you when you find out the truth about Santa? Who told you?

Please post questions, comments, and funny stories below. I may use them in an upcoming Studio 5 TV segment.

Thanks to all of my Facebook friends for song suggestions.

Listen To Performance

17 yr old daughter after her vocal recital

Dad & me at his President's Day concert

Click here to watch interview

“We’re staying together for the cats”

Funny thing is that I hate cats. (Sorry cat lovers. I understand if you unfriend me)

S0, after I posted on my wall last week I got tons of responses from friends posting their favorite bumper stickers.

Here are some that made me laugh:

“What if the hokey pokey is what it’s all about?”

‎”I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it”

“Give Whirled Peas A Chance!”

“Honk if anything falls off!”

“Where the hell are we going and why are we in a hand basket?” —>

‎”It’s not pretty being easy.”

OK, now it’s your turn. Post your favorite bumper sticker in the comment below. Your email will not show publicly. I promise.

Over the years our family has developed several new words that we have integrated into our everyday use.   My kids are exceptionally good at combining two words into an entirely new word that actually makes sense. Last week I posted some of our family’s favorites words on Facebook and asked for some input from other friends and fans. They did not disappoint…as if I need another reason to love Facebook! Consider adding these words to your vocabulary…

Butcept

(but + except) “I want to do my chores butcept I’m not feeling well”

To-later

(tomorrow + later) “Mom, Can we go the store tolater?”

Bed-night

(bedtime + nighttime) “I want a bed-night snack before I go to sleep”

Ignoying

(ignorant + annoying)  “Stop being so ignoying!”

Here are some gems from my Facebook Friends

(Julie de Azevedo-Hanks & Julie de Azevedo Facebook walls)

Newfit

Michele — My youngest use to call any new outfit that she received a “newfit”. Funny thing was just a few years later JCpenney’s used that word in one of their advertisements. We had a good giggle over that.

Cheese papers

Carrie — My sons call pre-sliced cheese “cheese papers”. We’ve all adopted it and I forget that it isn’t the correct term until I tell someone I have to run to the store to buy cheese papers and they look at me funny.

Verse (as a verb)

Tracey — my boys use “verse” as a verb. “do you want to verse me in tennis?” “I versed him in handball”. Hilarious…and kinda makes sense.

Buttmom

Amy– ‎”but mom” I usually tell them I am not “butt mom”

Hoosey

Bill–My grandson uses the term “Hoosey” as an adjective. “Lightening mcQueen is a Hoosey fast car!”

Posta

Lisa — ‎”Posta” I was posta do my chores.

Yabutt

Laurel — Yabutt (yeah + but)

Whabou

Elizabeth– My 8 yr old grandson always says “whabou” I always respond, “how do you spell that?”. W H A T A B O U T

Imaginating

Elizabeth–Imaginating…And my granddaughter will be sitting quietly and when I ask what she’s doing, she responds, “I’m just imaginating, Grammy.”

Beginst

Mike– beginst (beside+against). made sense to me.

Eyedeekay

Emily –My kids say I.D.K like its an actual word…thank you texting. ( I don’t know) We also have the yabut at our house. Oh and shup (shut up which I do NOT appreciate either!! LOL)

Notatoy

Becky — The remote has been called a “notatoy” for 32 years ( our oldest son thought that was what it was as everytime he picked up my husband would say “that is not a toy”.

Mote

Darcell– my daughter say’s” mote” for the TV remote.

Lundin

Vickie — We started calling a late lunch “lundin” when my kids were little because it was in between lunch time

Lasternight

Rebecca– My 4 year old says “Lasternight we went to Grandpa’s house, remember?” It’s like yesterday… but… laster-night!

Ginormous

April — Ginormous. Gigantic + enormous. They all use that one.

Redifficult

April–  “you are being ridifficult” combination of ridiculous and difficult. only when she is mad at me for not getting her way.

And one of my favorite comments….

Matt –Not any words I could post on facebook:)

If you have any words that aren’t words but kind of make sense, please comment below. Your email will remain private.

I’m stepping away from your love & relationship questions this week to share a that I wrote to honor motherhood, and in particular my mom, Linda de Azevedo.

Written shortly after my parents divorce, and during a time when my mom was questioning the value of her life’s contributions to our family and to the the world, I hoped to convey through music my overwhelming gratitude to her for her tender care throughout my life. The little things she did to support our family day in and day out for decades mattered not only to me and to my eight siblings, but they mattered in heaven…the angels carried her.

Click here to listen to the song “Angels” (quicktime)

Download or gift “Angels” (iTunes)

Preview my “Celebrating Mother’s” Playlist (iTunes)

Angels
Words & Music: Julie de Azevedo
© 1996 Mohrgud Music (BMI)

She was a girl just a young girl at nineteen
When she left behind her the life she had known
Got all dressed up in white to be a new bride
And set out to make a house a home

When she found herself she was drowning in laundry
Up all the night and driving all day
And every few years she would come up for air
In between lessons carpool & PTA

But the angels – they carried her
Through the fire and the rain
And the angels – they carried her
From the end of her rope to the end of her day
And the angels – they sang to her
When she thought no one was there
She had wings and prayers
Looking back it’s clear
She was touching heaven all those years

Well by now you would think that her house would be empty
‘Cause most of the children have grown up and gone
I’ll be the first who would say that I can’t stay away
From that woman who gave me my first birth and my first home

‘Cause the angels have carried her
Through the minutes and the days
And the angels have carried her
To a strong and wise and noble place
And the angels still sing to her
And I join them in their praise

‘Cause the angel that carried me
‘Til I saw the light of day
Was the angel that carried me
Through the years of laughter joy and pain
And the angel – she sang to me
So I knew someone was there
I had wings and prayers
Looking back it’s clear
Oh so clear
I was touching heaven all those years

Self & relationship expert Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW is wife of 22 years and mother of 4, a performing songwriter, a licensed psychotherapist, a popular media contributor, and director of Wasatch Family Therapy. Watch Julie on KSL TV’s Studio 5, listen on B98.7 radio, and read her national advice columns on Psych Central, and Latter-day Woman Magazine. Follow Julie on Facebook & Twitter.

My first confessions post was a response to people constantly saying, “How do you do everything? I see you on TV, hear you on the Radio, see your Facebook posts, read your articles, you spoke at our women’s event last week, I love your music, and you have 4 kids…” I shared some of the things I don’t do as a wife/mom/homemaker (like “cook” breakfast or attend every soccer game) in the first confessions post and it ended up being the most viewed post of 2010. I’ve often wondered why.

My best guess is that it’s something like dropping by a neighbor’s house and seeing over her shoulder that her house is a pigsty, and then feeling relieved that you’re not the only one who has dishes are piled in the sink, kids running around half naked, and toys strewn across the living room. We all want to know we’re not alone – that we’re not the only imperfect woman around. You know what I really dig? I love when I’m at someone’s house, and it’s a disaster, and they DON’T apologize for it. They own it. They just carry on. It’s so refreshing. So, here it goes. Peer into my “messy house” with no apologies.

I kill plants. I try to take care of living things, namely house plants, but they are always on the brink of death. I just feel pretty darn good that the humans in my home aren’t on the brink of starvation or dehydration and seem to be growing just fine.

I never make my bed. I try to be consistent with the household chores and daily routine, but I am OK with “more often than not” for the kids and for myself.

At times, I’d rather be with my Mac than with people.  Don’t get me wrong. I love people. I love my family. I love my job as a therapist and speaker and performing songwriter. I am by nature an extrovert, energized by people, fascinated by who they are and why they do what they do. But, I am also in love with technology and I think the internet is the coolest playground ever invented. Apps, widgets, plugins, WordPress, Hootsuite…I’m a cheerleader turned techno geek.

I lie to my children. “All I want is for you to be happy,” I say. But the truth is, while I do want them to be happy, I also want them to do what I think is best for them. I want them to make me look like a good parent (after all, I’m a therapist). I want them to make me feel OK about the choices I’ve made.

I want to run away, sometimes. OK, even though I know that my life is really pretty good, I sometimes fantasize about living a lazy life on a villa at the beach, alone. But, luckily that impulse doesn’t last very long…

I watch WAY too much TV. Seriously. I am currently DVR-ing House, Biggest Loser Couples, ANTM, Storage Wars, Studio 5, The Office, The Voice, American Idol, and I’m so excited about the new season of So You Think You Can Dance that it’s kind of embarrassing.

I don’t do things I don’t want to do. OK, there are a few exceptions like cleaning up after an overflowing toilet which happened yesterday afternoon. But in general, whether it’s a speaking invitation, cleaning out a closet, writing a song, watching a friend’s kids, volunteering at school, playing a benefit concert, or taking my kids swimming I usually go with my gut in deciding what to commit to. I think that what I want and how I feel about what I’m doing in life is crucial information.

Ok, now it’s your turn to confess. What are the things you don’t do? Comment below (your email will no be made public).

Self & relationship expert Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW is wife of 22 years and mother of 4, a licensed psychotherapist, a popular media contributor, and director of Wasatch Family Therapy. Watch Julie on KSL TV’s Studio 5, listen on B98.7 radio, and read her national advice columns on Psych Central, and Latter-day Woman Magazine. Follow Julie on Twitter & Facebook!

1–Marriage Q & A: Date Night & I’m Never In The Mood

2–How To Stop Overreacting & Keep Your Cool

3–How’s Your Relationship with…You?

4–Love The Body You Have Today

5–How To Get Past Your Painful Past

6–Does My Child Have ADD? What To Do When The Teacher Calls

7–Spark? What Spark? Help For Parents To Rekindle Romance

8–How To Assess Your Child’s Self-esteem

9–Keeping Your Marriage Emotionally Hot

10–Confessions Of A Multitasking Mama (top post from last year still holding steady)

What do you think makes these posts stand out? I want to know. What topics do peak YOUR interest? Comment below (your email will remain private).

I often get asked “how do you do it all?” The answer is “I don’t”. I don’t do it all. You see the things I DO on this website, in my Facebook events and updates, newsletters, etc. You can easily find out about my therapy practice, my music career, my media appearances, speaking engagement, and my family life. I admit, I do A LOT, but I definitely don’t do it all.

Here are some of the things I DON’T do:

I don’t  cook (unless you count heating up a Dream Dinner cooking). I value family dinner time but I don’t cook from scratch. I’d like to, but not enough to actually take the time to do it.

I am not the room mother. I am the assistant room mother.

I don’t attend every soccer, baseball, lacrosse, or basketball game, recital or school program. I attend “more often than not”.

I don’t make my kids breakfast before school. They have cold cereal or cinnamon toast every morning (unless its Sat. and my hubby makes waffles with ice cream).

I don’t have a clean, organized home. I generally know where to find most things, but home organization is not my strong suit. I don’t deep clean my home. I hire a cleaning crew twice a month.

I don’t feel guilty having other people help take care of our kids. I have a part-time “home assistant” who keeps things moving when my husband and I are not home, and we have an amazingly supportive family.

Even though I take a detailed list of birthday gifts my children receive every year, it is the exception that we actually send out “thank you” notes.

I don’t work in the yard on a regular basis, much to my husband’s chagrin.

I don’t sacrifice sleep. I get at least 7 hours of sleep nightly and a 3-4 hour nap on Sundays.

I don’t separate my life into categories of mother/wife/work/music. It’s all one big amazing mess called “my life” and that big category encompasses all of the people and causes and activities I’m passionate about. My life is NOT perfect, but its pretty darn good. There are many sacrifices for trying to pull off as much as I do: my house and yard aren’t spotless, I’m often tired, and sometimes feel like I’m not doing well at anything. But for me it’s worth it to have a life overflowing with wonderful opportunities to love and help others during whatever time I have on the planet. I don’t want to do it all. I just want a lot of the things I care about.

No, a girl can’t have it all but she can have A LOT.

I’d love to hear some of your confessions! Enter comments below (your email will not be made public).

I had a delightful time talking with my dear friend Cherie Call for yourldsradio.com New Music Show. Throughout the interview I was temped to start asking HER questions about her music because I’m such a fan of her songwriting. If you haven’t heard her CD “Grace” you’ve got to hear it!

To hear the stories behind my songs “Window To His Love”, “Angels”, “Make Enough of Me”, “Hard Things”, & “God’s Signature”

When you hear the word “strength” you likely think of traits or characteristics that are easily visible to others. But you also have “quiet” strengths that are demonstrated in your relationships interactions, and in who you are. These quiet strengths might be empathy, being a good listener, making others feel important, spirituality, and more.I’m continually inspired by the inner strengths of many women that I meet with in my counseling practice, and in workshops, who are dealing with difficult life situations: the loss of a child, marital distress, debilitating depression, chronic illness, and more. They face difficult life situations with courage and strive to move beyond their current situation.One of my own quiet strengths is the ability to reflect on my inner life and on my relationships and express my experience through songs. I gain much inspiration for themes and lyrics from my important relationships and life experiences.Three women in particular have inspired me with their quiet strengths of self- acceptance, emotional depth, and consistent support.

1-Self-acceptance

I have known Sara White for over 15 years and have been inspired by her strength of self-acceptance. Now well into her 90′s, Sara continues to enjoy her family and friends and exudes an inner beauty that is evident to all who know her. Through difficult life experiences Sara has grown in beauty and grace. The years have been a friend to her.

God’s Signature

(lyric excerpt, written by Julie de Azevedo)
These lines are signs of many lessons learned
Carved out through time
Smiles that warm and tears that burn
And unexpected turns
Time has been my friend it seems
So let Him write on meYou can call me flawed
You can call it character
But I choose to call these changes
God’s signatureMaybe it’s part of His design
That our landscape shifts with time
And youth is just a blur
Maybe it’s part of His design
And letting go of pride
It’s proof that we’re alive…

2-Emotional Depth

Melodie Williams, a long-time friend and mentor has inspired me with her unique emotional depth and thoughtfulness about life. Always an optimist, Melodie has encouraged me to seek continual growth in my emotional and spiritual life while maintaining a hopeful outlook. As a professional painter, her depth is expressed beautifully in her artwork. To learn more about Melodie’s art visit www.melodiewilliamsart.com.

Dive Deep

(lyric excerpt, written by Julie de Azevedo)
Dive deep into this ocean
Brave uncharted sea
You’ll never own me
If you want to hold me
Dive deep
Dive deep into this ocean
Cradle any jewel
Swim with the lover
Dance with the mother
Kiss the wife
And laugh with the girl

3-Consistent Support

My mother, Linda de Azevedo , dedicated her life to raising nine children. It wasn’t until I became a mother that my appreciation for her deepened as I realized the impact of her constant support throughout my life. I wrote this song “Angels” as a tribute to her life. Still, she continues to be a source of support to me and my family generously offering praise, encouragement, and practical help whenever possible. Soon after this segment airs, she will be the first to call or send a text cheering me on.

Angels

(lyrics excerpt, written by Julie de Azevedo)
She was a girl just a young girl at nineteen
When she left behind her the life she had known
Got all dressed up in white
Oh to be a new bride
And set out to make a house a home
When she found herself she was drowning in laundry
Up all the night and driving all day
And every few years she would come up for air
In between lessons, carpool, and PTABut the angels they carried her
Through the fire and the rain
And the angels they carried her
From the end of her rope to the end of her day
And the angels, they sang to her
So she know someone was there
She had wings and prayers
Looking back it’s clear
She was touching heaven all those years…

My new CD “Masterpiece: The Best of Julie de Azevedo” is available at Deseret Book.

Listen to the interview & song clips here

If you have any questions about the CD post them below!

As I sat this evening on the sidelines watching my daughter’s lacrosse game, I was exhausted and looking forward to sitting down, unwinding, and watching the game. Quickly, my expectations for an hour of relaxation were dashed when my hungry and thirsty and energetic 3 year old daughter Macy began climbing on me, asking for food, refusing to wear her jacket, and sprinting across the long stretch of grass in the opposite direction. I didn’t have the energy to chase her. I didn’t even want to move. 

I made a few idle threats like “You need to stay by me or you’ll have to go to the car” as I wondered, “How long do I have to stay and watch the game so my older daughter feels supported before I can leave to go home, eat, put my feet up and put this little one to bed?” I was emotionally and physically drained (for a variety of reasons and I will spare you the details).

As I was planning my exit strategy I noticed Macy, with her fair skin, yellow pigtails, and no jacket grinning with delight as she ran. Her boundless energy stirred a twinge of jealousy in me, as if somehow her glee was a threat.

Feeling a bit winded Macy sat down on my lap me and noticed that the family sitting next to us had fruit snacks. She asked if she could have one and they gladly shared.  Macy danced and made silly faces while eating it. I thought to myself, “I wish I could be so joyful about small things.” 

As she savored her fruit snack I noticed her slowly moving toward the little girl sitting next to us, trying to get her attention. Within a few minutes Macy had made a new friend and was nestled up in the same chair while the older girl read a book to her.

Over the next 45 minutes these two little girls chased each other, rolled around in the grass, and made a tent with the blanket and chairs, and pretended they were puppies. I marveled at how open Macy was to reaching out and connecting to this girl without fear, and how easily delighted she was by the attention and the playful interaction. It dawned on me that the game was almost over.

During the final few minutes of the game I realized that while Macy was frolicking with her new friend, I had been sitting by this little girl’s mom and we hadn’t exchanged more than a few words. Taking the lead from my 3 year old, I turned to this lovely woman and introduced myself, and began to ask about her and her family. As the final whistle blew, we continued chatting and gathered our chairs and blankets, and mentioned that we’ll likely be seeing a lot more of each other throughout the season. As we walked to the parking lot I felt energized, thanks to my 3 year old.