Q: I have acknowledged the fact that I have an anger problem, but I have not been able to find a way to deal with it. When I get angry I scream, curse, and get verbally abusive with the person that I am angry with. I have broken objects by throwing them across the room or by simply breaking them myself. I have injured myself by punching and kicking walls and random objects. Whenever I try to control my anger I feel light-headed, weak and shaky. After my anger passes I feel frustrated because I couldn’t control myself and break down in tears.

I have seen a therapist before for my anger issues and it only helped me for a couple of days before I was my old self again. While in therapy the therapist handed me a paper with a list of questions, one of the questions being; “have you ever been sexually abused?” I answered no, even though I experienced sexual abuse as a child. When I was 7 I started being abused by a close family member, it lasted until I turned 11 1/2 years old (when I started puberty.) I have never told anybody about it because I feel embarrassed and ashamed of the fact that the abuse lasted for so long. I know that the abuse was not my fault but I find myself constantly blaming myself for it because I never told anyone about it. I’m now 21 years old and I am afraid that I will hurt someone due to my anger. The relationships that I have been in before have not lasted long due to my anger and I’m tired of not being in control of my emotions.

I am seeking advice for what I should do to try and resolve my problem. I know that by talking about my abuse with someone I might be able to let the emotions that I have locked inside out, but I know that I will never be able to talk to someone about it due to the embarrassment that I feel. So I’m kind of at an edge here. Any type of advice would be helpful and greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Click the arrow below to listen to the therapist’s response…

*

To find a therapist who can help resolve your abuse issues click Find Help.  Please visit www.malesurvivor.org for more resources to heal from male childhood sexual abuse.

Take good care of yourself!

Julie Hanks, LCSW

*This is my first Ask the Therapist AUDIO response. What do you think? Like it, hate it? Let me know your thoughts.

Tune in Nov. 3rd 8PM MT to Discovery Fit & Health

No. I’m not secretly pregnant. Several months ago I got a call from a casting company asking if I’d be willing to do some pro bono therapy with a woman in Salt Lake for a women’s health documentary show about women who are hiding their pregnancies. I agreed and the next day a producer, crew, and new client “Jen” came to Wasatch Family Therapy to film the first of 2 sessions for the show. Would you let a camera crew sit in on your therapy session? Surprisingly, after a while I forgot they were even there and was really able to connect with and help “Jen”.

Here’s a little clip from behind the scenes.

Here’s more about the show:

Each episode of “Secretly Pregnant” follows the experiences of two women who, for various reasons, have hidden their pregnancies from their family, friends, boyfriends and/or bosses, and follows them through the emotional reveal of their secret and the aftermath that includes the birth of the baby.

Local therapist Julie Hanks, LCSW and Salt Lake City resident “Jen” will be appearing on the November 3 episode of Discovery Fit & Health’s new series “Secretly Pregnant.” As part of the episode Hanks will be providing therapy, with the cameras rolling, for Jen who is hiding her pregnancy due to fears that stem from the traumatic stillbirth of a previous pregnancy.

Here’s more about the show on Discovery Health

Watch the episode trailer

Peek behind the scenes during the shoot

My therapy clinic is opening a Provo office!

To celebrate our grand opening of Wasatch Family Therapy Provo location we are offering free 45 minute therapy for new clients who bring a non-perishable food item to donate to the Provo Community Action Food Bank.

When: October 3rd – October 7th

Where: Wasatch Family Therapy Provo Office
363 N University Ave, Suite 108A, Provo UT 84601

Participating therapists include:
Clair Mellenthin, LCSW, RPT, Julie Hanks, LCSW, BCD, Mike Morgan, AMFT, Kate Hofer, LPC, or Christine Holding, MFT Intern

*News clients only

*Offer only good at Provo location

*Sessions are first come, first served basis

To schedule your free session: click here

Read Accounting for the Debt: A Sexual Abuse Collection

I LOVE technology — Facebook, Twitter, Websites, YouTube, e-newsletters, google and not just personally, but I have also used technology and social media to help build my therapy practice Wasatch Family Therapy.

Well, my love of technology and my therapy practice, Wasatch Family Therapy was featured in May/June 2011 Social Work Today Magazine’s cover story “Building A Practice In A Digital World” ! Not just mentioned, but the article starts out with…

“Julie Hanks, LCSW, has a self-professed love of technology—and it shows.

Hanks is owner and clinical director of Wasatch Family Therapy in Cottonwood Heights, UT. The practice has its own website, Facebook page, Twitter account, and YouTube channel. Hanks and her staff send an e-newsletter each month, use Google’s calendar function for client scheduling, and send bills through e-mail.

“Why not embrace technology? It’s here and it allows us to make such an impact,” Hanks says. “Social workers, of all people, should be on the forefront of using technology for educating and making client interactions easier.”

While many social workers and other mental health professionals in private practice are not as tech savvy as Hanks, an increasing number of them are using technology—particularly social media—to market their services. This has started a debate among social workers about whether embracing technology is simply a necessary business move or a trend that puts the profession’s ethics in jeopardy. And the speed of technological change is leaving many social workers to fend for themselves as they try to navigate the digital world.”

Read the article “Building A Practice In A Digital World”

Download “Building A Practice In A Digital World” article PDF

Consulting for Therapists

I’ve had many requests by therapists to consult and coach on business and marketing aspects of building a private practice so I’m excited to announce that I’ll be holding a monthly business consultation group for therapists starting next Tuesday 6/7 & also offering individual practice consultations in-person or via Skype.

Did you know that men’s depression symptoms may differ from women?

Did you know that many men mask their depression by substance use, working excessively, or engaging in reckless behavior?

Do you know that 7% of men in any given year suffer from depression?

Do you know how to spot warning signs?

Get tips on how to help the men and boys in your life become more emotionally healthy and where to get help if you or a loved one is suffering from depression

Listen to “Men & Depression” interview online HERE

Dr. Todd Dunn is a Licensed Psychologist at Wasatch Family Therapy specializing in men’s mental health & I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Owner/Clinical Director of Wasatch Family Therapy.

For information about therapy visit our website WasatchFamilyTherapy.com or call 801.944.4555.

Just published Wasatch Family Therapy’s October newsletter “Building Confidence”.

In this issue:

Boosting your spouse’s self-esteem

Warning signs of abusive relationships

Exercise & mental health

Moving beyond insecurities

Child Help: Resources to prevent and treat child abuse

Read Oct. Issue Online HERE

Q: “We’re the first to say our own view may be somewhat limited due to lack of exposure and we don’t want to fall guilty of stereotyping, so can you reflect a bit on Mormon culture in general?

A: Unfortunately, much of the media coverage on “Mormon” extremists, like Warren Jeffs for example, aren’t actually even Mormon and in no way represent Mormon culture or lifestyle.

Most practicing Mormon’s are fiercely dedicated to taking care of their families. They also generously donate time and resources, are conscientious community members, and genuinely trying to make the world better.”

Read the entire PsychCentral interview HERE

Read our Feb. Newsletter

Cultivating Sexual Desire in Marriage

Women’s Workshop
Wed. March 3, 2010
7:00-9:00PM
Wasatch Family Therapy, LLC Salt Lake City, UT

Join me for an evening of  enlightening lecture and dynamic small group discussion (women only) designed to help you:

Understand how men & women approach sex differently
Challenge negative beliefs about your body to increase confidence
Find practical ways to prioritize lovemaking
Decrease emotional barriers to physical intimacy
Expand your definition of wife to include more passion
Gain tools to better communicate your preferences and needs

For more details or to register CLICK HERE

Power Affairs: Why do men who have it all cheat? Watch News Clip

Why do you think people are willing to risk it all? Post comments below (email address will not be made public).

Thank you women of Manila, UT Stake for a wonderful evening tonight! I left feeling inspired by your comments, your willingness to share your stories, and by your spirit.

Handouts

Here are the handouts from tonight’s presentation Click here to download Burnout Handouts

Upcoming Events

A few of you asked if I am doing the same presentation again soon and the answer is yes!  To find out where, when, go the Events Calendar. You’ll also find dates for my upcoming KSL TV Segments.

Tonight’s Songs

The first song, “God’s Signature”will be released in May on my “Best Of Julie de Azevedo” CD. The last song I performed was called “Make Enough of Me” and is available for download on iTunes here or feel free to watch the music video here (quicktime).

Keep in Touch

If you’d like to keep in touch sign up for my JulieHanks.com newsletter here. You’ll recieve periodic updates on my NEW music, articles, TV appearances, workshops, etc.

Counseling

Some of you asked for more information about my therapy practice Wasatch Family Therapy. To contact me directly click here.

Comments

Feel free to leave your comments about tonight’s workshop below. Thank you again, gals, for good discussion, laughter, and great cookies!

It’s that time of year. The time when “To Do” lists get pulled out and we add to them our resolutions for the New Year. Too frequently though, by February 1, our list of good intentions has been relegated to the junk drawer due to failed attempts and we’re left feeling down on ourselves or worse yet—guilty for what we didn’t do. But, what if the answer to avoiding the guilt was to simplify and not make a “To Do” list?

You’re probably asking yourself, “How can you reach a New Year’s resolution if you don’t write it down? Isn’t that the first rule of goal setting?” Well don’t panic. Writing down things to do and ways to improve can be a helpful tool in becoming who you want to be. But the trouble with “To Do” lists is not that we use them, it’s how we use them.

Let me know what you think! What are your New Year’s Resolutions?

Women often complain about their husband’s lack of help or enthusiasm for the holiday preparations. Husband’s are often puzzled about why wives get so stressed out about shopping, decorating, and baking. Here’s why women get stressed and solutions to get your man to help with the festivities.

1-Women feel responsible for the “intangibles” of family life (e.g. maintaining relationships, fulfilling family expectations, setting mood & tone, giving meaning to family traditions, a sense that they are adding value)

Get your man to help by…Sharing what your holiday traditions mean to you. (“It’s important to me to keep in touch with friends and family through sending yearly Christmas cards.” “Baking cookies reminds me of holidays with my grandmother and helps me feel connected to her.”)

 2-Women want to fulfill their own & other’s expectations

Get your man to help by… listening to your husband’s feedback that challenges your assumptions about the way things “should be”. Allow your spouse to help you find more realistic expectations. (“Maybe we don’t need to send out Christmas cards every year. Maybe every other year would be fine.” “Do we really have to make homemade gifts for the entire neighborhood?”)

3-Women feel like they should be able to “do it all” & have difficulty asking for help

Get your man to help by… Ask for help directly, specifically, & with a time frame. ( “Will you help put labels on the Christmas cards by the end of the weekend?” “Will you be in charge of buying gifts for Brooke & Darin this year?” )

Now my dillemna is whether I will go to every possible workshop with 70000 other people and soak in all the knoweldge and inspiration from psychology gurus from across the globe or should I take time this week to relax, relish silence, nap, and be…alone? I’m sure I’ll find somewhere in the middle.

But at this moment, I am alone and I like it.

I’ve had some requests about the songs I performed as part of the workshop:

God’s Signature (new song to be release on Julie de Azevedo Best Of cd coming out Spring 2010)

Make Enough of Me (from my CD Home) & is available for download on iTunes. Here’s a link to the Music Video of Make Enough of Me (Requires Quicktime).

Several of you came up and asked about my counseling clinic and services in SLC. Here’s more info about Wasatch Family Therapy. To find out where I’m doing another “Preventing Emotional Burnout” Workshop or other events, classes, firesdies click here.

Oh, and the dessert bar was heavenly. My family thanks you for the silver platter of goodies!